The whole thing is really making me feel that I have no desire whatsoever to visit the UK any time soon. I mean, people would probably make plans to see me if I was there for a couple of weeks and then they'd probably cancel at the last minute, so I really can't be bothered. It doesn't make sense to me how people can be so lazy at keeping in touch when you're supposed to be good friends. And even family, too! Sometimes my own Dad is terrible at contacting me. If I email him it's often a few days before he replies, even though he has a bloody iPhone so it could not be any easier! He's been saying since before I left the UK that he was going to get himself a laptop with a webcam so that we could talk on Skype face-to-face. Well, he still hasn't, and I left the UK at the beginning of September! Yet when I do speak to him (mostly it's me who has to call him) he tells me he misses me loads. It was my birthday at the start of this month, and when I spoke to him 10 days or so beforehand he asked me if he could just bring my birthday card with him when he comes to visit at New Year! I said, "That's a month after my birthday so could you please send it in the mail?" He ended up sending one using Moonpig.com, which is fine, but I couldn't help but think it was because he couldn't be bothered to go to the post office! Either that or he left it way too late. I don't get it.
You know, the thing that hurts the most is that even though I gave everyone as much notice as possible for our wedding (which we couldn't plan too far in advance, because I didn't know when exactly I was going to get my visa, and once I got to the US we had to marry within 90 days under the terms of the fiancée visa) he still didn't book the time off work! I told everyone at the end of May, when we set the date for the wedding, which was 4 and a half months away. Ideally, yes, we would've given people notice of 6 months or more, but as I said, the circumstances were difficult and that was the best we could do. Bearing in mind that all along my Dad had said that he and my stepmom would definitely come to our wedding, they wouldn't miss it for the world, blah blah blah. Well get this - 2 months after I told him the date, I was out with a friend for dinner and I got a phone call from my Dad... he asked me to change my wedding date! Needless to say, I was gobsmacked! I honestly couldn't believe that anyone could have the audacity to ask me to change our wedding date, especially after 2 months of knowing the date! I mean, my friends who were coming to the wedding had already booked the time off work (which was no easy feat for one of my friends from work!) and here was my own father asking me to change the date of my wedding "by a couple of weeks" so that he could be there. Why had the date not been a problem when I told him it, 2 months earlier? If he had said at that point that he couldn't possibly make it, we might have been able to change it. Moreover, we might have been more inclined to change it. As it stood, the very reason he gave me for him wanting us to change the date was that he could only come to the US from the Wednesday to the Sunday, because he couldn't get out of work on the Tuesday. We married on a Friday. What do you think would've been the logical thing to have done? Perhaps, as soon as I told him the date, he should've booked time off work like any sensible person would have done! He was honestly surprised when I flat out refused to change the date; I told him, truthfully, that the majority of it was already paid for, and that other people had organized things so that they could be there. Yes, he's my Dad, but there was no way I was about to change everything because he couldn't be bothered to organize himself. That's what it comes down to - sorry, but if you really want to be at your own daughter's wedding, then you should make every reasonable attempt to be there! If that means flying over for a short time then do it!
The best thing about it is that a few times since the wedding, and even on the morning of the wedding, when I've spoken to him he's said that he wished he could've been there. On the morning of the wedding I replied, "I really don't know what to say to that" - I mean, he missed my wedding because of work. Work that surely he could've taken time out of if he had bothered to book vacation. And don't try to make me feel guilty for not changing my wedding date - the fact that you even asked me to in the first place is bad enough! I wish I'd said all of this at the time, but I was so pissed off that I didn't. When he visits in 2 weeks, though, and says stuff like that again, I might actually say how I feel. Anyway, it's his loss - he missed our wedding, and he has to live with that. There's no use in him moaning to me that he wishes he could've been there, because frankly, he could! By the time you reach your 50s you'd think that you might have learned some organization skills, wouldn't you? It doesn't make sense to me that knowing that your daughter is getting married on such-and-such a date, with plenty of time to book vacation time, you would leave it for 2 months and then realize you can't get the time off and then ask your daughter to change her wedding date for you. I even told him when he asked that the only reason we would've moved our wedding is if I didn't have my visa in time for it! And what if we had changed the date, only for other people to be unable to come? I wasn't prepared to do that, given that those people had at least bothered to get the time off work. Maybe I'm coming across as being too harsh, but the whole thing really does astound me! Nobody could believe it when I told them what had happened - they were all amazed that he would do that! Doesn't it all boil down to him thinking that he's more important than everyone else? I think it might. I mean, if I couldn't attend a loved one's wedding then I would tell them I was very sorry I couldn't go, and that I hoped they had a lovely day and I'd be thinking of them. I wouldn't dream of asking them to change the date!
I can count on one hand the number of times my Dad was on time when I used to meet up with him... in fact, I think I could do that even if I only had 2 fingers! The number of times I had to stand around like an idiot, waiting for ages for him to show up, getting more and more annoyed as time went on... it's just crazy. One time he was a whole hour late, when I'd worked a ridiculously long (19.5 hour) shift the night before, gone home for maybe 2 hours sleep and rushed out to meet him for lunch. Yeah, that went down well with me. Not! Now don't get me wrong, nobody's perfect, and nobody's on time 100% of the time. I get that. But I do think it's incredibly rude to be consistently late, as it shows a huge lack of respect of the other person's time. Worse still, when he would eventually show up, I'd be annoyed of course at having to hang around so long, and he'd make comments about how I'm always in a bad mood! Um, yeah, I'm in a bad mood because you're half an hour late, again, and I've been standing out in the cold, when if you would've told me you were going to be late I would've gone and got a coffee or done some shopping or something. Now if I was even 2 minutes late, which happened once or twice, he would be really pissy with me! Talk about hypocrisy... Unbelievable!
So yeah, I'm probably coming across as someone who's very bitter... I probably am in some ways, because for 27 years I've had to put up with this crap! He's still unreliable now, he doesn't call when he says he will, but at least I'm not hanging around waiting for him now.
We used to meet up usually once a week, and go for lunch or dinner depending on the time. It was supposed to be that one week I paid, the next he paid, and so on. So one week, when it was his turn to pay, we ate, then he said, "Can we go halves this week? I'm skint". Um, it would've been nice if you'd said that beforehand! And by the way, I'm not exactly rolling in money either! I begrudgingly obliged. Then what does he do? He goes to buy a new suit! No fucking kidding. A new suit. Couldn't afford to pay for lunch when it was clearly his turn, but he can afford a new suit which he probably doesn't need, and obviously cost a lot more than lunch. I was so angry that day, I couldn't believe it!
So yes, I guess I have some issues with my Dad, but I think most people would agree with me that they're totally justified!
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