Thursday, 31 March 2011


OK, well we hoped to look at houses on Tuesday as I wrote in my last post. Our realtor was supposed to call hubby around 4 p.m. but she didn't, he texted her and asked if we could look at houses and she said she wasn't free until Friday. We've felt for a while she was messing us around, and we didn't think we'd ever end up seeing any houses if we waited for her all the time. So, hubby called his mom who knows a husband and wife realtor team through church, and she gave him their details. He called and left them a voicemail and they rang us back within a couple of hours, and hubby gave them the info about what kind of house we're looking for, our price range, etc. Yesterday the guy came to our house at about 3.15 p.m. to pick us up to view houses! Yay! We finally looked at some houses! We saw 6 in total yesterday, and a few were a definite "no" - one was in a very dodgy area and pretty run-down, one had loads of water damage on all the ceilings and was generally in bad shape, one had been ripped apart for termites and had a tree out front with the roots probably going into the foundations of the garage and house and one had power lines right next to the house, had a very very old A/C unit and needed a new roof - and was definitely overpriced! There were 2 houses we really liked but they'd just received offers on them and we're not ready to make any offers just yet, we need to look around a lot more. It was interesting anyway, it showed us what to look for with regards to potential problems and we found it to be quite an experience! We're hopefully viewing more houses tomorrow afternoon, then the in-laws are coming round for dinner (hubby's parents and brother too, so our little house will be a bit cramped but it's OK!)

When I last spoke to my Dad, 2 weeks ago tomorrow, he told me he would call me "next week" (so last week) - guess what? He still hasn't! Now don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly shocked, but come on! For fuck's sake, this is getting ridiculous! He knows how much it annoys/upsets me when he does this, and still it continues. I guess he'll never, ever change. I'm still not going to call him though, because why should it always be me making the effort? More to the point, why should it always be our phone bill getting run up? So no, there won't be any calls from me.

I'm being a good little housewife, I cleaned the entire house again yesterday and I'm still doing the dishes after every meal which makes it a much more manageable task! I washed the doggy beds yesterday too, and today I've done more laundry. I'm going to clean the whole house again tomorrow, it works out well because that's when we're having the in-laws over for dinner, but I was going to do it anyway - Monday, Wednesday and Friday are my full-on cleaning days now. That gives me Tuesday and Thursday "off" but I still do other things around the house, just not a full clean. It also leaves weekends free, because that's when hubby is free so we can do things together. I'm finding it to work really well, the house always looks great because there's never too big a gap between thorough cleanings and it keeps me busy. On a Friday I have a couple extra tasks, I clean the dog water fountain and change our bed linen in addition to dusting, vacuuming, mopping and then cleaning the bathroom. Hubby's only "job" around the house is to be in charge of the fish tank, i.e. do the water changes. He doesn't mind doing it, it's not like he has to do anything else housework related after all. He's really happy with the way things are now, and so am I! I love being able to take pride in our house every day, it's not a fancy house but it's clean and tidy and it's our home for now :-)

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

We might finally be getting somewhere... Maybe!

Hubby got an email from our realtor last night, she now has her computer back virus-free and found hubby's emails which had somehow gone into her junk mail. Hopefully we might be able to look at some houses when hubby finishes work today at 3... Fingers crossed, anyway.

When we went to get our mortgage pre-approval, it was based on 20% down which is what hubby wants to do. Our realtor has now said she doesn't understand why we don't want to just put 3.5% down, like most first time buyers. Well, that'd be because we'd end up borrowing a lot more and our monthly payments would be higher, and hubby has saved up so what's the point of not putting down 20%? It makes more sense to us to put more money down and have lower monthly payments - otherwise the mortgage will be crippling us! 3.5% is fine for people who haven't got savings, but it seems daft to only put that down when you do have the money there!

The dogs had a fight this morning, it was the first time in a while. Neither of them was hurt, hubby grabbed Suzie as soon as she started and then I got the spray bottle and used it on them both. It didn't have any effect this time but I think it's because I didn't get it in time - it was on the dining table and I was in the living room area, so it took me a little longer to get it. All's well now though, thank goodness.
I took them for a short walk just before 9 a.m. - it was already 70ºF then, it's going to be 83 today, then 86 tomorrow, 92 Thursday, 95 Friday... yuck! This is spring? Damn!
I'm not exactly looking forward to summer in the desert, it'll certainly be an experience... =/

Monday, 28 March 2011

Good news!

Around 3.15 p.m. we got a call from the vet - they'd finally got a urine sample from her (she refused to pee for ages!!) and it was clean - which means that the antibiotics have worked and she no longer has a UTI! Yay!!! Her antibiotics won't be done with until Friday morning, but at least she doesn't need another course of them :-)

Busy again

This morning I made us coffee and breakfast, did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen... I fed the dogs, hubby medicated them... Then I dusted, vacuumed, mopped and cleaned the bathroom. I also did a bunch of laundry too and put away all the clothes I washed yesterday.

After all that I had a shower and then we took Suzie up to the vet, they need to try and get a urine sample and see how her UTI is responding to the antibiotics. I hope they manage to get a sample! The house feels really odd without her here, it's not nice. I miss my baby!

When we got back from dropping Suzie at the vet, I took Gracie for a quick walk so she could do her "business" hehe, and now I'm home and I've done everything that needs doing already... I'd finished cleaning the house by just before 9.15 a.m. so I was pretty productive today.

Tonight we're going to the filming session for Suzie's agility class, I hope she does well this time because they're going to put it on the internet! Hopefully she'll get a little bit of practice time beforehand. I know a few of the other people were going to take their dogs for a half hour practice session yesterday, but we didn't go. It would've been another $10 which isn't bad at all, but we didn't arrange to do it. Oh well, I'm sure it'll go fine.

Well, I'd better make us some lunch. Soup and sandwiches! I'm really hungry, it's almost 5 hours since we ate breakfast (at 6 this morning) so we're ready for lunch even though it's not even 11 a.m. yet!

Sunday, 27 March 2011


I had another driving lesson today, which went pretty well. At one point I had some idiot in an SUV tailgating me, even though I was actually driving slightly over the speed limit. That pissed me off - I slowed down and gave them the finger! Oops. I probably shouldn't do that, but it worked, they backed off. I'm not gonna be bullied into driving faster just because some impatient tw*t behind me can't tolerate the speed limit! Some people... jeez!
I'm doing much better with changing gears and my confidence levels are higher now too. I'm getting used to driving on the big roads - it's still daunting to me but I just need to keep doing it and eventually it'll be second nature.

After my lesson we went to get some groceries, then came home. I've been doing some laundry and prepping for dinner tonight, we're making green curry so I've chopped up the onion and red bell pepper, and the chicken. We're taking the girls to the dog park in around half an hour, so when we get back dinner shouldn't take too long to make. I've also done the dishes twice today already, after our pancake breakfast and just now too. I'm really trying to keep on top of the housework at the moment, it's easy to let things slide sometimes and I end up getting mad at myself so I'm making a concerted effort to be a good little housewife. I'm still not sure it's really who I am, but I'm trying to give it a chance. I do want to provide a good home environment for us, I can't provide for us financially right now so it's the best I can do really. The thing is, I could get a random job doing something rubbish, and I don't want to put people down who do those jobs because I think people do whatever they have to do in order to live, but I don't need to work right now. In some ways I feel guilty about that, but then at the same time it's not really anyone's business but ours. Hubby is happy with our situation, and he likes that the house is kept nice without him having to do anything around the house. I can also take care of the dogs so he doesn't have to worry about them while he's working. Basically what I'm saying is that this works for us - so I don't know why I feel guilty sometimes. I'm just not used to being unemployed yet, I guess!

We still haven't seen any houses yet, I really hope our realtor gets in touch with us soon (i.e. tonight or tomorrow) to set up an appointment with us. I don't want to sound harsh, but if she doesn't then I'm considering hiring someone else. Our lease on the house is up in 8 months and we want to find somewhere soon to get the ball rolling!

Saturday, 26 March 2011


We were hoping to look at some houses today, but those plans fell through. Our realtor isn't available and her computer has a load of viruses on it, so she's waiting to get it back. For some reason the emails hubby sent her over the last couple of days didn't get forwarded to her Blackberry (maybe they went in her junk mail?) so she hasn't been able to research the house listings we sent her yet. So maybe tomorrow, or sometime during the week we can start looking at houses properly.

Not sure what we're going to do instead today, we took the girls for a walk and that's it so far. I'd really like to go somewhere and do something, but I don't know what. I don't have any money right now anyway, and hubby can't think of anything for us to do either. We can't leave the dogs for too long because we're having to crate Suzie when we're out, just in case the dogs fight.

Tonight we're going out to a buffet with the in-laws, so that should be good. We're gonna take the dogs to their house and leave them there (Suzie in her crate) and then we won't have to rush home to feed them and give them their meds (Suzie needs her antibiotics at 8 p.m. and Gracie needs her eyedrops, joint supplement and antihistamine!!! Too many meds to keep track of, but we're managing!)

So, what to do? Hmmm...

Friday, 25 March 2011

Busy busy!

This morning I got up with hubby at 5.50 a.m. (he starts work at 6) and made us coffee and breakfast. I also did some laundry and changed our bedding. Around 8 a.m. I gave the girls their breakfast and their meds, then did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, tidied the house, dusted all over, vacuumed everywhere, mopped all the tile floors, cleaned the pugs' water fountain, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned the sliding door in the living room and cleared the yard of pug poop. Then I took a shower and hubby took me out for lunch at the local Thai restaurant which was a lovely surprise!

I might need a nap now, I've been on the go non-stop for 7 hours now! :-)

Also - the dogs are doing much better now. We've started using the water spray bottle again with Suzie which is a good deterrent and stops bad behavior in its tracks! Yay!

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

A long one!

On Friday my Dad emailed me so I called him. He said he would call me sometime this week, so again, we'll see. I think if/when he doesn't call, which is likely given his past history, I should just ignore him and not bother telling him again how annoying it is when he does that. I'll just wait to hear from him in another 3 weeks or so, and keep it inside. I mean, I've told him enough times now how much it upsets me when he doesn't call me when he's supposed to, so if he continues to do that then I'll just assume he doesn't care that he's upsetting me.

Also on Friday I was involved in the rescue of 2 dogs found wandering in my neighborhood. I was walking Suzie and Gracie just after 9 a.m. when I saw these 2 dogs walking towards us, and a guy walking a bit behind them. I assumed they were with him, but he asked me if I knew whose dogs they were. He'd first seen them at 8 a.m. in his street, and he'd been tracking them ever since. He'd called the Humane Society and they said they would send someone. In the meantime I kept an eye on the dogs and he went knocking on doors to see if anyone knew the dogs. We thought they'd maybe escaped from someone's yard or something. The guy brought some dog food and water out for the dogs, but they wouldn't go near either of them. Basically they were really skittish and you couldn't get close to them. Neither dog was wearing a collar. They were 2 shelties, they looked pretty well cared for and I don't think they'd been loose for very long. I borrowed the guy's cell phone to call my hubby, and he came to get our dogs to take them home. He also googled a bunch of different shelters and rescue organizations and started calling around, with no luck. At 10.15 a.m. I called the Humane Society again, and asked when someone might get to the dogs. The guy I spoke to was pretty rude and informed me that they would "try to be there by 3 p.m." - I told him we were trying to keep the dogs away from the 2 very busy main roads, and the dogs likely wouldn't still be there by 3 p.m. and he said, "What do you want me to do about it?" - I said that we didn't want the dogs to get hit by a car and he asked if they'd been hit yet so when I said "No, not yet" he also responded with "What do you want me to do about it?" - well wouldn't it be better to rescue the dogs before they got hit?! What the hell?!
The guy who'd found the dogs originally had to leave to go to work, so I stayed to keep watch over the dogs.
Hubby got in touch with a different organization at 11 a.m. who said it would be 6 to 8 hours before they could come. Brilliant - it'd be getting dark by that point! He also called AZ Sheltie Rescue, and left a message.
A lady rode by on her bicycle and I stopped her and asked if she recognized the dogs - she didn't, but she stayed with me to help. She called her sister and she came along too. We were trying to keep the dogs in a safe section, away from the roads. One of the women called the cops to see if they would send anyone, I ended up speaking to them over the phone and they told me someone would be dispatched very soon, as in it would be the next call to be dispatched. They took my (hubby's) cell phone number (I had his cell by that point) and they called me right back to say they wouldn't be able to send anyone after all because the dogs weren't attacking anyone. I was gutted.
One of the women who just moved in to a house opposite where all this was going on brought me a bottle of water out, because I'd been there for ages! Hubby brought me a sandwich, some chips, a Pepsi and a bottle of water too. I hadn't eaten breakfast because I'd been planning to have it after our walk, which would've been around 9.30! I was pretty hungry by that point.
Around 1 p.m. the dogs started trying to make a run for it, we tried to stop them but they got away. They were so scared, it was awful. I wished they would just realize we were trying to help, but obviously they didn't know us and had no reason to trust us. They ended up running right across one of the main roads, and almost got hit by traffic. The ladies on the bicycles followed them but I was on foot and didn't know what to do. I ended up walking around the neighborhood once more, not expecting to see the dogs again but hoping they might return to the area. I spotted one of the ladies on her bicycle and one of the dogs was there too - yay! I kept an eye on the dog, watching him go up and down the green belt. I tried throwing him pieces of my sandwich, thinking he might be hungry, but he ignored them. I walked all the way down towards where the dog was, under a bridge that goes under the road. I saw another neighbor and talked to her for a bit, we watched the dog from a distance. I got a voicemail from AZ Sheltie Rescue, saying they'd send someone local out to our location. Hubby called them again to tell them our current location.
The dog then moved back the other way, to where the 2 dogs had been originally. I'd left the rest of my sandwich by a tree when I'd started following the dog, and he stopped by the tree for a while so I figured he was eating my sandwich - he ate the whole thing, which was good, at least he wouldn't be hungry. Then he ran off again. At that point I couldn't really do anything so I reluctantly went home, defeated. I was really worried about the dogs, they were now separated and probably panicking like crazy. When I got home I realized I had pretty terrible sunburn - my face, apart from where my sunglasses were, was really really red, my arms were too and so were the backs of my legs. When I'd left the house the UV index was low, and only planning to be out for 30-40 minutes I didn't put any sunscreen on. Damn! I was pretty upset about the dogs, I really thought they'd get hit by a car or something, and the fact they were no longer together really upset me too. When I got home hubby called AZ Sheltie Rescue again to let them know the dogs had bolted and we didn't know where they were now, and he called the Humane Society and Animal Control to tell them the same. No point having them spend time coming out when the dogs were no longer there...

All day Saturday I kept wondering about the dogs, hoping they'd be rescued by someone else. I didn't see any posters in our area, I half expected to see a "missing dogs" poster but didn't. If I had, I'd have rung them and told them what had happened, and that a lot of people had tried really hard to help but to no avail.
Then on Sunday we took the girls to the dog park and lo and behold, there were 2 posters saying "Found - 2 sheltie dogs" !!! Yay! I took the details (Craigslist listing and email address) and checked it out when I got home - and it was those 2 dogs, and they were both together and safe. Thank God! I emailed the woman and it was one of the ladies who'd been helping me out, the ones with the bicycles (sisters). She told me that they'd got one of the dogs cornered in one of their neighbors' yards, so trapped it in there, then a few hours later around 6.30 p.m. they'd found the other one too and taken it back to the same place to reunite the dogs. I was so happy to hear that! The lady whose yard the dogs were in kept the dogs overnight and in the morning Animal Control came to collect them. The women who eventually managed to catch the dogs got in touch with AZ Sheltie Rescue and they've agreed to take both dogs once they've been evaluated at the shelter (standard procedure). That evaluation takes about 3 days. Neither dog had a microchip and as they had no collars there's no way to identify them. Poor things. I suspect they'd been abandoned, nobody so far has come looking for them and it's been 4 days now so you'd think if they have an owner they'd be frantically searching for them.
Anyway, it's good to know the story of these dogs will have a happy ending - someone will love them again, hopefully they'll get re-homed together and have a lovely new family. It's nice to know my 5 hour effort wasn't in vain, too! :-)

On Sunday we took the girls to an APARN fundraiser, PugStock 2011! The theme of the event was, of course, hippie! We went to a farmers market on Saturday and a lady there sells loads of tie-dye stuff, she didn't have anything for dogs but she had lots of baby T-shirts. We asked if we could try one on our dog and she was happy for us to do so - we ended up with 2 shirts for the girls, both 18 month size! They fit great. Only $10 each, too - much cheaper than "proper" doggy clothes!
We had a great day at PugStock, and I think APARN will have made quite a bit of money. They adopted out 7 pugs that I'm aware of, hopefully more adoptions will follow soon. The lady who'd been fostering Gracie before we took her was really happy to see Gracie again. She said they had another 6 pugs being surrendered that day, it's so so sad. They can't adopt them out quick enough - it seems as though for every pug they adopt out, they get another 3 or more! I wish we could take another, but we can't. We're having trouble with Suzie at the moment anyway, she's getting quite aggressive with Gracie at times and we've had to break them up a lot lately because Suzie's trying to fight Gracie. It's horrible, but we're hoping it's a phase that will pass. We took Suzie to her agility class last night and she started acting up there too, with the trainer's dog! How embarrassing... The class finished at 7 p.m. but Wendi, the trainer, stayed behind with us for 45 minutes helping us with Suzie. She showed us a few techniques which really seem to work well, we've been using them since we got home last night. We're going to sign Suzie up for an obedience class too, we'll sort out the details next Monday when we go back for the agility filming session. It's embarrassing because Suzie is so cute but she can be really nasty at the moment, and it's really not cool. She's never shown any aggression towards other dogs, or people, and for it to start now is just horrible. Wendi was saying that she's at that age where things like this do start to happen - she's 19 months. We need to nip it in the bud ASAP, which we're trying to do. The obedience class should help too, we'll learn a lot. The situation with Suzie and Gracie is escalating, it's making Gracie reluctant to eat again and she was doing so well - last week I noticed a big improvement in her general attitude, she seemed to be settling in well and she seemed happier generally. Wendi agreed with me that this could be part of the reason for Suzie's aggression - before last week, Gracie was depressed and very submissive, so Suzie probably didn't feel at all threatened by her, but now Gracie's coming out of her shell so to speak, she does perceive her to be more of a threat. This morning when I gave them their breakfast, Gracie took a while to start eating (long enough for Suzie to finish eating before Gracie had really started) and then Suzie went for Gracie so we had to remove Suzie from the situation. Gracie was really worked up by it, though, understandably. I couldn't get her to eat after that, I tried for 25 minutes and she wouldn't eat. Poor Gracie. It's so frustrating! We just need to persevere with Suzie, making sure she knows we're the boss and not her, and we just need to be consistent. She's turning into a monster!

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Suzie is sick :-(

Our gorgeous little pug-pug girl Suzie is sick! Poor little girl. She has a urinary tract infection (UTI) which seemed to start late afternoon yesterday. She kept needing to go potty a lot more than usual, and when she was peeing (or trying to pee) she was squatting for ages, which is unusual for her. She woke me up at 3 a.m. today, wanting to go potty again (this is also unusual for her) - she peed for ages (or tried to) and when she came back in I noticed some blood... :-(

We managed to get her an appointment at the vet this morning at 10, and I tried to get a urine sample from her beforehand but was pretty unsuccessful (I ended up with all of about 3 drops in a tupperware box! Hardly enough for them to test!). They tried to get her to go potty so they could get a sample but she wouldn't; we tried again but she wouldn't pee for us either. So, they examined her and gave her an antibiotic shot and we now have a 15-day supply of antibiotic capsules for her. She'll need one capsule every 12 hours, which shouldn't be a problem as she doesn't mind medication normally - we'll put the capsule in a blob of peanut butter and if past experience is anything to go by, she'll love it. :-)

Hopefully she'll get better very soon. I hate it when she's poorly...

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Not related to the terrible disaster in Japan

Last Thursday I bit the bullet, so to speak, and went to the DMV to apply for my learner's permit. I kind of expected to fail the test, but somehow I got 86% (I think 70% is a pass) so I got the permit. The whole thing took like 15 minutes from start to finish - I was impressed!
So hubby has been teaching me to drive in his car. I must admit, my first lesson was quite scary as I obviously didn't have a clue. I found myself wishing that he had an automatic instead of a stick-shift (or manual, whatever you want to call it!) but he has a 6-speed stick-shift, so it's tough!
I've had 5 lessons now, almost every day with the only exception being Saturday. So far we've only been in an abandoned parking lot, which is a good place to learn for obvious reasons. I manage to start and stop most of the time without stalling or burning the clutch (although it does happen sometimes - I'm getting better though!) and I can change gear fairly smoothly most of the time. I started learning how to reverse yesterday, which I can do alright most of the time but I'm struggling a little with turning the wheel the right way - I'll say I'm going to back up and turn right but I end up going the opposite direction! I'll get there soon, I think. It's not as difficult as I was expecting, on the whole. I'm quite enjoying learning. I haven't been on any "proper" roads yet but I did drive us to a neighboring in-use parking lot (next to the one I've been learning in) and park us there... far away from any other vehicles! I parked in the lines though, straight, which is something a lot of people around here appear to struggle with! (either that, or they're too lazy since the spaces are pretty big and you can park badly and still be in the lines!)

Yesterday we went to our bank to start the mortgage process. We have a friend at the dog park whose mom is a realtor, we met her a couple of weeks back and she gave us her business card, so as soon as we get the pre-approval notice from the bank (we should know by Friday) we can set up an appointment with her and go and look at some houses properly! So far we've only looked from the outside, but we've found some promising looking houses in nice areas for very good prices (less than we can afford, so that's a good thing!)

Oh yeah, and the whole thing with my dad is still not really resolved. He called me last Monday and started telling me how busy he was the previous Wednesday (he'd told me the week before that, that he would call me either the Wednesday or Thursday, and didn't). I tried to have a normal conversation with him but he kept going on about how tired he is now he has the dog and how busy he was that Wednesday, blah blah blah, and I had to point out that his failure to call was hardly a one-off! I mean, it happens without fail every single bloody time he's told me he'll call me! I didn't raise my voice or anything, but I told him that when he repeatedly doesn't call it really upsets me and it disappoints me every time. Now, my dad can't take any criticism whatsoever, so he had to get all sarcastic with me and the tone of his voice really pissed me off. He said, "Shall I call you back on Wednesday when you're in a better mood?!" and that infuriated me - I replied, "I knew you would try to turn it around onto me, sorry, bye" and hung up. Now I know that hanging up isn't nice, but it was either that or I would've told him exactly what I think of him and his bullshit. I probably would've said something like I'm sure if you needed to make a call about the orchestra, you'd remember to do that. Obviously we all know where your fucking priorities lie, seeing as you missed your only daughter's wedding for one of their bloody rehearsals. See? Hanging up was probably the better option, although I think I'd be justified in saying that to him because it's clearly true.
He emailed me on Tuesday, apologizing for not calling and saying he would try to be better about calling me when he says he will. I replied and said that I was sorry for hanging up on him, but I was very upset. I basically repeated what I'd said on the phone. He replied again, saying that he really misses me and it's really hard for him knowing he won't see me much now that I'm living in the US. He said he was glad that hubby and I are so happy together. The whole thing sounded very final to me, and I guess it was because even though I wrote back that same day he still hasn't been in touch again. I wrote that I missed him too, and that I've been here 6 months now and although I'm very happy with hubby it hasn't been easy for me all the time, and it does feel as though a lot of people have forgotten about me in those 6 months. I also tried to make some "conversation" writing about his dog and our dogs. I don't want to be petty, but since I was the last person to make contact I think he should be the next one to do so, by email or phone or whatever. I also don't really want to make the call myself, and since my last email went unreturned I'm loathe to email him. If he really does miss me, surely his actions would reflect that. If you miss someone that much, you must think about them occasionally and you'd think that you'd make the effort to do what you said you would.
So, I don't know what the situation is now. I don't know what to think anymore. I think I just have to get on with my life, and if he doesn't want to be a part of it now then I'll just have to accept that.

A week ago I spoke to one of my good friends, R, on Skype. She couldn't believe his attitude - that's to say, she believes it, but she's also shocked by it! She doesn't understand why he would act this way either. I told her that I think he resents me for leaving the UK, and I also told her how he's always accused me of "being stupid" whenever I've done anything. One example is that we booked our wedding at the end of May last year, for the middle of October. At the time we booked it, I hadn't had my visa interview, but things were moving along with the whole thing and we went ahead and set the date because we'd already chosen the venue we wanted and they didn't have many dates left so we wanted to secure one. Also, it meant people would have adequate notice and be able to make arrangements to come to our wedding if they wanted to. I phoned him to let him know and he basically told me I was stupid for setting a date before I got my visa. He then spent the next 2 months being incredibly negative about the visa and saying that I might not get it. I knew there was a chance of being denied, of course, but we didn't have any "red flags" in our case and I thought the chances of a denial were slim. Guess what? I got my visa. I was also in the US 6 whole weeks before our wedding. I think my dad was 'secretly' hoping that I would be refused the visa. It's not so much of a fucking secret when he made it pretty damn obvious that he wanted me to be refused it. I don't want to be awful because I know it must be hard for parents if their child emigrates, but my mom made it clear she would miss me but also that she was incredibly happy for me too. She told me the day before I left that she knew I was doing the right thing, that she would really miss me but she knew hubby would take good care of me and that he's a lovely guy. My dad wasn't exactly so selfless. If he wants to get into an argument about me effectively choosing my hubby over him (which is pretty ridiculous) then he can go and look at his own actions when he got with my stepmom, and how he believed every single lie about me that came out of her mouth. I chose to take a chance, a risk if you like, by emigrating to a whole different continent, 5,500 miles away from where I'd lived my entire life. I knew it was the right thing to do, but it wasn't easy to leave everyone and everything behind either. Some may view my actions as selfish, but those people can get stuffed quite frankly. It was selfish of certain people to make me feel guilty for my decision to start a new life and be happy, in my opinion.


I've been meaning to update my blog for a week now, but I never got around to it. Anyway, for now, I can forget all the stuff about my family - there's a far more serious event going on right now in Japan. On Friday, a magnitude 9.0 earthquake struck, swiftly followed by a devastating tsunami. As I write there are more than 4,000 people confirmed dead and over 8,000 people still missing. In addition to the earthquake and tsunami, and mostly as a result of the latter, there are very serious problems with one of their nuclear power plants, Fukushima. There have been numerous fires and explosions in various reactors (4 of the 6 reactors they have on site, I believe) and the immediate vicinity has been evacuated due to the hugely increased levels of radiation present. This is now day 6 of the crisis, and it seems that every single day there are multiple worrying developments occurring. As if the Japanese people didn't have enough to worry about with the damage from the earthquake and tsunami, now they have one of the worst nuclear disasters in the history of nuclear power unfolding at the very same time as they are trying to locate survivors and get much-needed supplies to those who are without food, water and electricity. The last I read there were 50 workers battling to stabilize the situation at Fukushima, pumping in sea water in an attempt to cool the reactors. These people, nameless and faceless to the world's population as their details have not been released, are true heroes. They're literally risking their lives for the greater good of their country and the world. There's been much speculation about the possibility of radioactive fallout reaching the west coast of the US, of which a good amount I'm sure is irresponsible reporting and nothing more than scaremongering... However if the situation deteriorates further it is possible that we could see that happen. We're in Arizona so not exactly far from the west coast, and I must admit, I'm pretty concerned about that possibility. I mean, if the radioactive material can make it from Japan to California (about 5,000 miles I believe) then it's not beyond reason that it could reach us in Arizona, it's only another 300 miles or so. Phoenix to San Diego is 355 miles, so a drop in the ocean really. I don't want to be one of those hysterical people, but I also want my family and I to be safe. Hubby and I have obviously been talking about this and I'm really not sure what we'd do if it transpired that it was going to happen. I mean, yeah, we could load up the car and head east, but where to? And how long before we could return home? We have the two pugs to consider, we'd obviously take them with us as there's no way we would ever abandon them, but where would we go? Also, how would we even know how far the radiation was going to reach? We could head east only to encounter the exact same problem. So I think we'd probably stick it out here, although that would be very scary. I guess we'd just be some of the unlucky ones. It does worry me though, because we're planning to start trying for a baby soon, in the next 4-6 months, and something like this could really prevent that from happening. I know I must sound selfish right now, and I must stress that my primary concern is for those in the disaster zone - and the rest of Japan of course. I honestly don't know how they're going to get through this awful time. I hope they manage to, it's so devastating to see what they're going through. This disaster truly has been a triple whammy, first a huge earthquake which the reactors actually survived, then the tsunami which, apart from obviously killing and injuring a lot of people and destroying their infrastructure, has flooded the reactors' cooling systems causing at least partial melt downs in a number of nuclear reactors. I don't want to ask the question "How much worse can things get?" because I suspect they can indeed get much worse. The whole world really has to hope and pray that it doesn't become a full-blown nuclear disaster. I'm not religious by any means but I'm hoping beyond hope that things will improve, which right now doesn't seem too likely.

Monday, 7 March 2011

Bloody family.

I've just about had it with my Dad. I seriously don't understand him, not at all. He never contacts me when he says he will! What the hell is that about? It's upsetting, it's unnecessary and it's really fucking thoughtless.

Same old same old - I called him on Thursday February 24th, as I said I would. He told me he would call me "next Wednesday or Thursday" - so, that's last week. Has he called me? Has he hell! This same situation plays out again and again, but each time it makes me more and more angry with him.

Now, there are people who say "It's just the way he is, he's not going to change" - maybe so, but just because the way someone acts is "the way they are" doesn't make that behavior acceptable. He knows for a fact that it really annoys me when he doesn't call as he says he will, because I've told him about 3 times now. Yesterday, he sent me a textless email, a photo of my stepmom and their dog. The title of the email was "(stepmom) and Benji on her birthday!" - well, for one thing, I don't particularly want photos of my stepmom, she's hardly my favorite person! Secondly, yesterday was not her birthday, today is. When he sent the email it was 8 p.m. UK time so the time difference doesn't even make it her birthday! I responded to his shitty email with the following:

It's her birthday tomorrow. You didn't call me when you said you would, yet again.

Last time this very same situation happened, he sent me an inane email the day after he was supposed to call me, with no mention of why he didn't call or anything. I replied to that one with the following:

Hi Dad,

You said you were going to call me on Wednesday (yesterday!) what happened?


(Me) xxx

He responded that time with a "sorry, I forgot" message and then called me that evening. This time I've heard nothing since my abrupt email reply yesterday.

The time before that, he was supposed to have called me a couple of weeks before my green card interview (the interview was February 10th, so we're talking end of January here) and he didn't. I refused to call him as well, because I was already more than fed up of his broken promises. Anyway, after my green card interview I begrudgingly called him to tell him the good news - he promised to call me the next week and I asked him outright, "Are you actually going to call this time???" and he was a bit taken aback. What more do I have to do to get through to that man?!

You know, it would be laughable if it wasn't so upsetting. He has only one child - me. He's only 53, he works part-time and therefore has plently of time on his hands to call me when he tells me he will. He could even call me at midnight UK time, and it would only be 5 p.m. here! He just doesn't ever think to bother with me, and it's ruining our relationship quite frankly.
I really wish this didn't bother me, but it does. Every single time he breaks his promises it hurts more. On the one hand I feel as though I shouldn't expect him to actually do what he says he will, but every time I hope that he will come through that time and then when he doesn't, I'm left feeling angry and disappointed.

I will not call him again. I won't cave this time. The only reason I did last time was because I'd had my interview. This time, I have no reason to give in and call so I won't. I don't see why I should make all the bloody effort, yes I'm the one who moved away but guess what, I'm only one side of this so-called relationship and there's only so much I can do. I call him when I say I will, but he doesn't keep his part of the deal. He's the one causing the rift, not me.
I know exactly what will happen if he does ever call - he'll turn it around on me, because that's what he always does. He can't admit being wrong, so he'll try and make it all my fault and he'll make out that I'm lying about it all. I've known him and been messed around by him long enough that I know what to expect.

If this was a friend, I would have cut them out of my life a long time ago. I'm seriously tempted to do that in this case, too, but I likely won't because he's my Dad.

I just don't know what to do, but I can't ignore his shitty behavior. You can bet that if he was supposed to call someone regarding something orchestra related, he would. Apparently that stuff comes first - remember how he missed our wedding because of a fucking orchestra rehearsal? Well, maybe I just don't rank highly in his life.

When he was here, he talked to me a lot of the time like I'm an imbecile. I'm 27 years old, and he still tries to run my life. He refused to believe me when I said that I can't work in my profession in this country, hubby had to come out of his office and back me up on that one. He refuses to accept that I've got my own life and that he's not in charge of it. He constantly told me what I "should" be doing, and he criticized a lot of things about my lifestyle. I'm not a smoker, drug taker or heavy drinker, the only "crime" I've committed is being a housewife. Jeez! Yes, I had a career in the UK. Yes, it's a shame I can't do the same here, but I'm not going to dwell on it. The professional exam I'd have to sit in order to be able to work in this country is only available to those who studied in this country - so short of going back to uni and starting from scratch, incurring huge debts, there's nothing I can do. I'm also not willing to do that because it's pretty demeaning, when you consider that I spent 3 years full time at uni in the UK, graduated at age 21 with a BSc (Hons), have 5 years work experience in my field including 3 years in a specialist area, and also studied part time for a year to gain a post-graduate qualification. Here, even if I did the course again I'd be at the bottom of the pile again, except this time I'd be age 30 and only able to do the exact same job I did at age 21. No thank you!
Hubby is fine with my decision, he thinks it's an absolute joke that I'd have to do all that and really doesn't blame me for not wanting to do it. Also, since we want to start a family in the not too distant future, it's not feasible.

I hate that my Dad doesn't listen to me, always assumes I'm lying (I'm not like that and never have been, so I don't know where that comes from... oh yeah, that's right, it comes from my bitch of a stepmom) and doesn't respect my feelings on anything, to be honest. It's ridiculous. I'm losing respect for him with every passing day, every single time he fails to call when he's supposed to. It's beyond a joke, forgetting once wouldn't be a big deal, but every single time? What a bastard.