3 days to go!

Yesterday I managed to get all of my housework done, despite feeling really rubbish. I feel better today - I got up just after 6 this morning and made us coffee and breakfast, then took the dogs for a walk. When we got back I went and sprayed the weeds in the front yard and pulled the huge weeds in the back yard (there were some smaller ones that I sprayed too). Fed the dogs and then since then I haven't done a great deal! I made us lunch and then had an afternoon nap. I feel a bit more refreshed now so that's nice. I just need to do the dishes and that's my housework done for the day. I guess I'll have to do the dishes again tonight after dinner though, but I need to do them now too otherwise I'll have too much stuff to fit on the drying rack! Oh well. :-)

My friend Taj arrives on Friday evening! I'm really excited to see her, it's been ages! The last time I saw her was just before I left the country, I think the actual date we last met up was August 31st, so it's almost 8 months now. I'm really looking forward to seeing her, I think we'll have fun! :-)

I am a little apprehensive about her staying here with us, though, but mainly because of our dogs - she's not a 'dog person' so I'm not sure how that's gonna go! She knows we have the 2 dogs of course, I just hope it's not too much of an ordeal for her. I guess if it's that bad then she'll probably check into a hotel. Other than that, I'm not really concerned about her staying with us because there's no way she could be as much of a pain as my Dad was when he was here!!!

Speaking of my Dad, yet again we're playing that stupid 'game' where he was supposed to call me last week, didn't call, and now since Sunday he's been emailing me with no mention of it. Great! I guess this is how it's gonna be then. He's even got 3 weeks of vacation from work right now, and clearly doesn't have the time or inclination to pick up the damn phone and call me. Fantastic, huh? I mean, last week he wasn't working, this week he isn't and next week he isn't. He clearly isn't planning on calling me this week, either, because I replied to one of his emails saying that Taj is arriving on Friday and we're going to the Grand Canyon on Sunday, and he said "have a good time at the Grand Canyon". I don't really know what to do, because we had a big falling out over this before and I thought that that would make him realize he should call me when he says he will, but it obviously hasn't had any impact. I mean, after that falling out when he said he'd make more of an effort, he didn't even manage to call me one single time when he'd said he would. Now it's going on again. So to be honest I can't be bothered to say anything about it, because there's no point is there? The way he's going, we'll be estranged soon. I've only been gone for less than 8 months so as far as I'm concerned, if he's this bad already what will he be like in another year?

However I think about it, it makes me feel like shit. I mean, "it's just the way he is", "he just forgot", "he obviously doesn't care enough to call" - either way, it's not really good enough. It's not even like he's called while we're out, because our phone shows missed calls and if he had he'd probably have left a message - which he hasn't. So he hasn't called at all. No doubt he's just gonna wait for me to call him, so I hope he's prepared for a long wait. Next time I have something I want to tell him, I'll refrain from calling. I find it so disrespectful that he continues this behavior especially now that he knows how much it upsets me - that's the worst part of it. What am I to infer from that, please? Yeah - he's obviously not bothered enough about upsetting me to change his behavior. Nice.

Bloody family.

I've just about had it with my Dad. I seriously don't understand him, not at all. He never contacts me when he says he will! What the hell is that about? It's upsetting, it's unnecessary and it's really fucking thoughtless.

Same old same old - I called him on Thursday February 24th, as I said I would. He told me he would call me "next Wednesday or Thursday" - so, that's last week. Has he called me? Has he hell! This same situation plays out again and again, but each time it makes me more and more angry with him.

Now, there are people who say "It's just the way he is, he's not going to change" - maybe so, but just because the way someone acts is "the way they are" doesn't make that behavior acceptable. He knows for a fact that it really annoys me when he doesn't call as he says he will, because I've told him about 3 times now. Yesterday, he sent me a textless email, a photo of my stepmom and their dog. The title of the email was "(stepmom) and Benji on her birthday!" - well, for one thing, I don't particularly want photos of my stepmom, she's hardly my favorite person! Secondly, yesterday was not her birthday, today is. When he sent the email it was 8 p.m. UK time so the time difference doesn't even make it her birthday! I responded to his shitty email with the following:

It's her birthday tomorrow. You didn't call me when you said you would, yet again.

Last time this very same situation happened, he sent me an inane email the day after he was supposed to call me, with no mention of why he didn't call or anything. I replied to that one with the following:

Hi Dad,

You said you were going to call me on Wednesday (yesterday!) what happened?

Love,

(Me) xxx

He responded that time with a "sorry, I forgot" message and then called me that evening. This time I've heard nothing since my abrupt email reply yesterday.

The time before that, he was supposed to have called me a couple of weeks before my green card interview (the interview was February 10th, so we're talking end of January here) and he didn't. I refused to call him as well, because I was already more than fed up of his broken promises. Anyway, after my green card interview I begrudgingly called him to tell him the good news - he promised to call me the next week and I asked him outright, "Are you actually going to call this time???" and he was a bit taken aback. What more do I have to do to get through to that man?!

You know, it would be laughable if it wasn't so upsetting. He has only one child - me. He's only 53, he works part-time and therefore has plently of time on his hands to call me when he tells me he will. He could even call me at midnight UK time, and it would only be 5 p.m. here! He just doesn't ever think to bother with me, and it's ruining our relationship quite frankly.

I really wish this didn't bother me, but it does. Every single time he breaks his promises it hurts more. On the one hand I feel as though I shouldn't expect him to actually do what he says he will, but every time I hope that he will come through that time and then when he doesn't, I'm left feeling angry and disappointed.

I will not call him again. I won't cave this time. The only reason I did last time was because I'd had my interview. This time, I have no reason to give in and call so I won't. I don't see why I should make all the bloody effort, yes I'm the one who moved away but guess what, I'm only one side of this so-called relationship and there's only so much I can do. I call him when I say I will, but he doesn't keep his part of the deal. He's the one causing the rift, not me.

I know exactly what will happen if he does ever call - he'll turn it around on me, because that's what he always does. He can't admit being wrong, so he'll try and make it all my fault and he'll make out that I'm lying about it all. I've known him and been messed around by him long enough that I know what to expect.

If this was a friend, I would have cut them out of my life a long time ago. I'm seriously tempted to do that in this case, too, but I likely won't because he's my Dad.

I just don't know what to do, but I can't ignore his shitty behavior. You can bet that if he was supposed to call someone regarding something orchestra related, he would. Apparently that stuff comes first - remember how he missed our wedding because of a fucking orchestra rehearsal? Well, maybe I just don't rank highly in his life.

When he was here, he talked to me a lot of the time like I'm an imbecile. I'm 27 years old, and he still tries to run my life. He refused to believe me when I said that I can't work in my profession in this country, hubby had to come out of his office and back me up on that one. He refuses to accept that I've got my own life and that he's not in charge of it. He constantly told me what I "should" be doing, and he criticized a lot of things about my lifestyle. I'm not a smoker, drug taker or heavy drinker, the only "crime" I've committed is being a housewife. Jeez! Yes, I had a career in the UK. Yes, it's a shame I can't do the same here, but I'm not going to dwell on it. The professional exam I'd have to sit in order to be able to work in this country is only available to those who studied in this country - so short of going back to uni and starting from scratch, incurring huge debts, there's nothing I can do. I'm also not willing to do that because it's pretty demeaning, when you consider that I spent 3 years full time at uni in the UK, graduated at age 21 with a BSc (Hons), have 5 years work experience in my field including 3 years in a specialist area, and also studied part time for a year to gain a post-graduate qualification. Here, even if I did the course again I'd be at the bottom of the pile again, except this time I'd be age 30 and only able to do the exact same job I did at age 21. No thank you!

Hubby is fine with my decision, he thinks it's an absolute joke that I'd have to do all that and really doesn't blame me for not wanting to do it. Also, since we want to start a family in the not too distant future, it's not feasible.

I hate that my Dad doesn't listen to me, always assumes I'm lying (I'm not like that and never have been, so I don't know where that comes from... oh yeah, that's right, it comes from my bitch of a stepmom) and doesn't respect my feelings on anything, to be honest. It's ridiculous. I'm losing respect for him with every passing day, every single time he fails to call when he's supposed to. It's beyond a joke, forgetting once wouldn't be a big deal, but every single time? What a bastard.

Getting some more things off my chest!

I'm still feeling annoyed with the people I blogged about yesterday... I was tempted to contact the friend who stood me up on Skype but I resisted! I did however email our mutual friend who agreed that the whole thing is ridiculous, and told me that she is still waiting on a phone call from said friend who told her she'd call her weeks ago and never has done. We both agree that if someone really is too busy then they shouldn't make false promises! I would feel much less annoyed if she would've just said, "I'm too busy for a catch-up at the moment but I'll let you know when I've got the time" rather than she herself setting a time and a date and then cancelling, then rescheduling and simply not showing up.

The whole thing is really making me feel that I have no desire whatsoever to visit the UK any time soon. I mean, people would probably make plans to see me if I was there for a couple of weeks and then they'd probably cancel at the last minute, so I really can't be bothered. It doesn't make sense to me how people can be so lazy at keeping in touch when you're supposed to be good friends. And even family, too! Sometimes my own Dad is terrible at contacting me. If I email him it's often a few days before he replies, even though he has a bloody iPhone so it could not be any easier! He's been saying since before I left the UK that he was going to get himself a laptop with a webcam so that we could talk on Skype face-to-face. Well, he still hasn't, and I left the UK at the beginning of September! Yet when I do speak to him (mostly it's me who has to call him) he tells me he misses me loads. It was my birthday at the start of this month, and when I spoke to him 10 days or so beforehand he asked me if he could just bring my birthday card with him when he comes to visit at New Year! I said, "That's a month after my birthday so could you please send it in the mail?" He ended up sending one using Moonpig.com, which is fine, but I couldn't help but think it was because he couldn't be bothered to go to the post office! Either that or he left it way too late. I don't get it.

You know, the thing that hurts the most is that even though I gave everyone as much notice as possible for our wedding (which we couldn't plan too far in advance, because I didn't know when exactly I was going to get my visa, and once I got to the US we had to marry within 90 days under the terms of the fiancée visa) he still didn't book the time off work! I told everyone at the end of May, when we set the date for the wedding, which was 4 and a half months away. Ideally, yes, we would've given people notice of 6 months or more, but as I said, the circumstances were difficult and that was the best we could do. Bearing in mind that all along my Dad had said that he and my stepmom would definitely come to our wedding, they wouldn't miss it for the world, blah blah blah. Well get this - 2 months after I told him the date, I was out with a friend for dinner and I got a phone call from my Dad... he asked me to change my wedding date! Needless to say, I was gobsmacked! I honestly couldn't believe that anyone could have the audacity to ask me to change our wedding date, especially after 2 months of knowing the date! I mean, my friends who were coming to the wedding had already booked the time off work (which was no easy feat for one of my friends from work!) and here was my own father asking me to change the date of my wedding "by a couple of weeks" so that he could be there. Why had the date not been a problem when I told him it, 2 months earlier? If he had said at that point that he couldn't possibly make it, we might have been able to change it. Moreover, we might have been more inclined to change it. As it stood, the very reason he gave me for him wanting us to change the date was that he could only come to the US from the Wednesday to the Sunday, because he couldn't get out of work on the Tuesday. We married on a Friday. What do you think would've been the logical thing to have done? Perhaps, as soon as I told him the date, he should've booked time off work like any sensible person would have done! He was honestly surprised when I flat out refused to change the date; I told him, truthfully, that the majority of it was already paid for, and that other people had organized things so that they could be there. Yes, he's my Dad, but there was no way I was about to change everything because he couldn't be bothered to organize himself. That's what it comes down to - sorry, but if you really want to be at your own daughter's wedding, then you should make every reasonable attempt to be there! If that means flying over for a short time then do it!

The best thing about it is that a few times since the wedding, and even on the morning of the wedding, when I've spoken to him he's said that he wished he could've been there. On the morning of the wedding I replied, "I really don't know what to say to that" - I mean, he missed my wedding because of work. Work that surely he could've taken time out of if he had bothered to book vacation. And don't try to make me feel guilty for not changing my wedding date - the fact that you even asked me to in the first place is bad enough! I wish I'd said all of this at the time, but I was so pissed off that I didn't. When he visits in 2 weeks, though, and says stuff like that again, I might actually say how I feel. Anyway, it's his loss - he missed our wedding, and he has to live with that. There's no use in him moaning to me that he wishes he could've been there, because frankly, he could! By the time you reach your 50s you'd think that you might have learned some organization skills, wouldn't you? It doesn't make sense to me that knowing that your daughter is getting married on such-and-such a date, with plenty of time to book vacation time, you would leave it for 2 months and then realize you can't get the time off and then ask your daughter to change her wedding date for you. I even told him when he asked that the only reason we would've moved our wedding is if I didn't have my visa in time for it! And what if we had changed the date, only for other people to be unable to come? I wasn't prepared to do that, given that those people had at least bothered to get the time off work. Maybe I'm coming across as being too harsh, but the whole thing really does astound me! Nobody could believe it when I told them what had happened - they were all amazed that he would do that! Doesn't it all boil down to him thinking that he's more important than everyone else? I think it might. I mean, if I couldn't attend a loved one's wedding then I would tell them I was very sorry I couldn't go, and that I hoped they had a lovely day and I'd be thinking of them. I wouldn't dream of asking them to change the date!

I can count on one hand the number of times my Dad was on time when I used to meet up with him... in fact, I think I could do that even if I only had 2 fingers! The number of times I had to stand around like an idiot, waiting for ages for him to show up, getting more and more annoyed as time went on... it's just crazy. One time he was a whole hour late, when I'd worked a ridiculously long (19.5 hour) shift the night before, gone home for maybe 2 hours sleep and rushed out to meet him for lunch. Yeah, that went down well with me. Not! Now don't get me wrong, nobody's perfect, and nobody's on time 100% of the time. I get that. But I do think it's incredibly rude to be consistently late, as it shows a huge lack of respect of the other person's time. Worse still, when he would eventually show up, I'd be annoyed of course at having to hang around so long, and he'd make comments about how I'm always in a bad mood! Um, yeah, I'm in a bad mood because you're half an hour late, again, and I've been standing out in the cold, when if you would've told me you were going to be late I would've gone and got a coffee or done some shopping or something. Now if I was even 2 minutes late, which happened once or twice, he would be really pissy with me! Talk about hypocrisy... Unbelievable!

So yeah, I'm probably coming across as someone who's very bitter... I probably am in some ways, because for 27 years I've had to put up with this crap! He's still unreliable now, he doesn't call when he says he will, but at least I'm not hanging around waiting for him now.

We used to meet up usually once a week, and go for lunch or dinner depending on the time. It was supposed to be that one week I paid, the next he paid, and so on. So one week, when it was his turn to pay, we ate, then he said, "Can we go halves this week? I'm skint". Um, it would've been nice if you'd said that beforehand! And by the way, I'm not exactly rolling in money either! I begrudgingly obliged. Then what does he do? He goes to buy a new suit! No fucking kidding. A new suit. Couldn't afford to pay for lunch when it was clearly his turn, but he can afford a new suit which he probably doesn't need, and obviously cost a lot more than lunch. I was so angry that day, I couldn't believe it!

So yes, I guess I have some issues with my Dad, but I think most people would agree with me that they're totally justified!