Same old same old - I called him on Thursday February 24th, as I said I would. He told me he would call me "next Wednesday or Thursday" - so, that's last week. Has he called me? Has he hell! This same situation plays out again and again, but each time it makes me more and more angry with him.
Now, there are people who say "It's just the way he is, he's not going to change" - maybe so, but just because the way someone acts is "the way they are" doesn't make that behavior acceptable. He knows for a fact that it really annoys me when he doesn't call as he says he will, because I've told him about 3 times now. Yesterday, he sent me a textless email, a photo of my stepmom and their dog. The title of the email was "(stepmom) and Benji on her birthday!" - well, for one thing, I don't particularly want photos of my stepmom, she's hardly my favorite person! Secondly, yesterday was not her birthday, today is. When he sent the email it was 8 p.m. UK time so the time difference doesn't even make it her birthday! I responded to his shitty email with the following:
It's her birthday tomorrow. You didn't call me when you said you would, yet again.
Last time this very same situation happened, he sent me an inane email the day after he was supposed to call me, with no mention of why he didn't call or anything. I replied to that one with the following:
Hi Dad,
You said you were going to call me on Wednesday (yesterday!) what happened?
Love,
(Me) xxx
He responded that time with a "sorry, I forgot" message and then called me that evening. This time I've heard nothing since my abrupt email reply yesterday.
The time before that, he was supposed to have called me a couple of weeks before my green card interview (the interview was February 10th, so we're talking end of January here) and he didn't. I refused to call him as well, because I was already more than fed up of his broken promises. Anyway, after my green card interview I begrudgingly called him to tell him the good news - he promised to call me the next week and I asked him outright, "Are you actually going to call this time???" and he was a bit taken aback. What more do I have to do to get through to that man?!
You know, it would be laughable if it wasn't so upsetting. He has only one child - me. He's only 53, he works part-time and therefore has plently of time on his hands to call me when he tells me he will. He could even call me at midnight UK time, and it would only be 5 p.m. here! He just doesn't ever think to bother with me, and it's ruining our relationship quite frankly.
I really wish this didn't bother me, but it does. Every single time he breaks his promises it hurts more. On the one hand I feel as though I shouldn't expect him to actually do what he says he will, but every time I hope that he will come through that time and then when he doesn't, I'm left feeling angry and disappointed.
I will not call him again. I won't cave this time. The only reason I did last time was because I'd had my interview. This time, I have no reason to give in and call so I won't. I don't see why I should make all the bloody effort, yes I'm the one who moved away but guess what, I'm only one side of this so-called relationship and there's only so much I can do. I call him when I say I will, but he doesn't keep his part of the deal. He's the one causing the rift, not me.
I know exactly what will happen if he does ever call - he'll turn it around on me, because that's what he always does. He can't admit being wrong, so he'll try and make it all my fault and he'll make out that I'm lying about it all. I've known him and been messed around by him long enough that I know what to expect.
If this was a friend, I would have cut them out of my life a long time ago. I'm seriously tempted to do that in this case, too, but I likely won't because he's my Dad.
I just don't know what to do, but I can't ignore his shitty behavior. You can bet that if he was supposed to call someone regarding something orchestra related, he would. Apparently that stuff comes first - remember how he missed our wedding because of a fucking orchestra rehearsal? Well, maybe I just don't rank highly in his life.
When he was here, he talked to me a lot of the time like I'm an imbecile. I'm 27 years old, and he still tries to run my life. He refused to believe me when I said that I can't work in my profession in this country, hubby had to come out of his office and back me up on that one. He refuses to accept that I've got my own life and that he's not in charge of it. He constantly told me what I "should" be doing, and he criticized a lot of things about my lifestyle. I'm not a smoker, drug taker or heavy drinker, the only "crime" I've committed is being a housewife. Jeez! Yes, I had a career in the UK. Yes, it's a shame I can't do the same here, but I'm not going to dwell on it. The professional exam I'd have to sit in order to be able to work in this country is only available to those who studied in this country - so short of going back to uni and starting from scratch, incurring huge debts, there's nothing I can do. I'm also not willing to do that because it's pretty demeaning, when you consider that I spent 3 years full time at uni in the UK, graduated at age 21 with a BSc (Hons), have 5 years work experience in my field including 3 years in a specialist area, and also studied part time for a year to gain a post-graduate qualification. Here, even if I did the course again I'd be at the bottom of the pile again, except this time I'd be age 30 and only able to do the exact same job I did at age 21. No thank you!
Hubby is fine with my decision, he thinks it's an absolute joke that I'd have to do all that and really doesn't blame me for not wanting to do it. Also, since we want to start a family in the not too distant future, it's not feasible.
I hate that my Dad doesn't listen to me, always assumes I'm lying (I'm not like that and never have been, so I don't know where that comes from... oh yeah, that's right, it comes from my bitch of a stepmom) and doesn't respect my feelings on anything, to be honest. It's ridiculous. I'm losing respect for him with every passing day, every single time he fails to call when he's supposed to. It's beyond a joke, forgetting once wouldn't be a big deal, but every single time? What a bastard.
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