Catch-up

It's been absolutely ages since I last posted, and not because there hasn't been anything to write about, I just haven't gotten around to blogging!

Well my friend Taj visited for 10 days, which was lovely. We had a really good time - we went to the Grand Canyon and Sedona, then we did lots of stuff around Phoenix...

• 4 malls (she wanted to do lots of shopping)
• Phoenix Zoo
• Massages (I still had my gift card from my hubby for a 1.5 hour massage)
• Went to sit by the pool at Onel's apartment complex
• Yappy Hour at a really nice hotel/resort (for the Humane Society)

Taj left on May 2nd and on May 3rd my Mum and stepdad arrived, so there wasn't much of a gap between visitors! They stayed in a gorgeous resort, though, so hubby and I had the house back to ourselves. With my Mum and Stepdad we did the following:

• 1 mall
• Phoenix Zoo
• Spent a day at their resort in and by the pools
• Bearizona, a drive-through wildlife park in Williams, AZ
• The Grand Canyon
• Sedona

They also went horseback riding in the desert, which they really enjoyed. As you can see, we had a busy time with all our visitors!

I have to say, once everyone had left, it felt really weird. I think because since I moved here at the beginning of September 2010, I'd known they were coming in May and it was something to look forward to. Once they'd left, I just felt kinda empty. We don't have any other visitors lined up at the moment, although my friend Tamzin and her family are hoping to visit us next Easter when we'll hopefully have our new house. That's not set in stone though, of course.

I was feeling a bit down for a couple of weeks after my Mum left, but I'm back to normal now - whatever normal is, anyway!

We had a big problem with the pugs a few weeks back, their fighting suddenly escalated and it got to the point where we had to do something to sort them out. It was either get a dog trainer involved, or we'd have to consider taking Gracie back to pug rescue. The latter was something that filled us with dread, because we really have bonded with her (we've had her since early February) and we'd hate to have to part with her now. Also I'd feel so guilty because she'd have to go through the whole thing again - she was pretty messed up when she came to us, obviously confused because her original family had surrendered her, and I don't want her to go through that again! Besides, she's not really the 'problem' dog. Anyways, to cut a long story short, pug rescue recommended a dog trainer so we've hired her. So far we've had our initial consultation (which ended up being about 4 hours!) and one of our six training sessions (they're supposed to be 1.5 hours a time, and again she was here for close to 4 hours - just as well it's a fixed fee, and not hourly rates!). We still have issues with them but we're better able to handle them now. Hopefully by the end of the 6 weeks things will be a lot better. If not, well the fee covers any training the dogs might need for the rest of their lives, so we'll just have to have the trainer back again!

We've been told by our realtor that we should be hearing something about the new house in the next couple of weeks hopefully, so fingers crossed we'll get it! It's been over 2 months since we made the offer and because it's a 'short sale' these things take forever to go through - they haven't even accepted our offer yet! I just hope they don't try to raise the price or mess us around some other way...

Our pug Suzie has to go to the vet this afternoon, I think she has a stye on her eye, poor thing! Hopefully it won't need anything too much to treat it. I'm thinking maybe some ointment or drops or something. Also, hopefully it won't be too expensive either - last time she was at the vet (for a UTI) it was $132 (about £80). Actually now that I think about it, considering her 2 weeks of antibiotics and the testing etc, that's not too bad is it?!

I'm on a diet at the moment - I started on Monday May 30th so today is day 11. I finally bought some scales last Tuesday so Tuesday is now "weigh day". I weighed way too much last Tuesday... I don't really want to say here, but I don't think anyone reads this so I might as well! I was 209.4 pounds. I'm 5ft 8" and I have a big frame anyway, but even so, it's very bad! So I weighed myself again this Tuesday and I'd lost 1.5 pounds, I'm now 207.9 pounds. I was kinda disappointed because I was hoping to lose 3 pounds a week, but I think if you want to keep the weight off you're supposed to only lose 1 to 2 pounds a week so if that's the case, I'm right on track.

I've been very good and haven't broken my diet at all, so it's just a case of keeping up with it really. Ideally I'd love to lose 40 pounds but I definitely need to lose at least 30 I think. I'll feel so much better if I do it, and look much better too. If I keep losing 1.5 pounds per week, that'll be 6 pounds in a month, 12 pounds in 2 months, 18 pounds in 3 months... It'll take me 5 months (well 20 weeks, anyway) to lose 30 pounds... Yikes! That all depends on whether something else gets in the way of my diet, though. I can't say too much right now but we may have some rather exciting news in the not-too distant future! :-)

3 days to go!

Yesterday I managed to get all of my housework done, despite feeling really rubbish. I feel better today - I got up just after 6 this morning and made us coffee and breakfast, then took the dogs for a walk. When we got back I went and sprayed the weeds in the front yard and pulled the huge weeds in the back yard (there were some smaller ones that I sprayed too). Fed the dogs and then since then I haven't done a great deal! I made us lunch and then had an afternoon nap. I feel a bit more refreshed now so that's nice. I just need to do the dishes and that's my housework done for the day. I guess I'll have to do the dishes again tonight after dinner though, but I need to do them now too otherwise I'll have too much stuff to fit on the drying rack! Oh well. :-)

My friend Taj arrives on Friday evening! I'm really excited to see her, it's been ages! The last time I saw her was just before I left the country, I think the actual date we last met up was August 31st, so it's almost 8 months now. I'm really looking forward to seeing her, I think we'll have fun! :-)

I am a little apprehensive about her staying here with us, though, but mainly because of our dogs - she's not a 'dog person' so I'm not sure how that's gonna go! She knows we have the 2 dogs of course, I just hope it's not too much of an ordeal for her. I guess if it's that bad then she'll probably check into a hotel. Other than that, I'm not really concerned about her staying with us because there's no way she could be as much of a pain as my Dad was when he was here!!!

Speaking of my Dad, yet again we're playing that stupid 'game' where he was supposed to call me last week, didn't call, and now since Sunday he's been emailing me with no mention of it. Great! I guess this is how it's gonna be then. He's even got 3 weeks of vacation from work right now, and clearly doesn't have the time or inclination to pick up the damn phone and call me. Fantastic, huh? I mean, last week he wasn't working, this week he isn't and next week he isn't. He clearly isn't planning on calling me this week, either, because I replied to one of his emails saying that Taj is arriving on Friday and we're going to the Grand Canyon on Sunday, and he said "have a good time at the Grand Canyon". I don't really know what to do, because we had a big falling out over this before and I thought that that would make him realize he should call me when he says he will, but it obviously hasn't had any impact. I mean, after that falling out when he said he'd make more of an effort, he didn't even manage to call me one single time when he'd said he would. Now it's going on again. So to be honest I can't be bothered to say anything about it, because there's no point is there? The way he's going, we'll be estranged soon. I've only been gone for less than 8 months so as far as I'm concerned, if he's this bad already what will he be like in another year?

However I think about it, it makes me feel like shit. I mean, "it's just the way he is", "he just forgot", "he obviously doesn't care enough to call" - either way, it's not really good enough. It's not even like he's called while we're out, because our phone shows missed calls and if he had he'd probably have left a message - which he hasn't. So he hasn't called at all. No doubt he's just gonna wait for me to call him, so I hope he's prepared for a long wait. Next time I have something I want to tell him, I'll refrain from calling. I find it so disrespectful that he continues this behavior especially now that he knows how much it upsets me - that's the worst part of it. What am I to infer from that, please? Yeah - he's obviously not bothered enough about upsetting me to change his behavior. Nice.

Rain!

It's a wet, grey day in Phoenix! It's raining on and off, and it's supposed to continue that way for the rest of the day and into this evening. It actually makes a nice change, really. Most of the time it's warm and sunny with blue skies, so a grey drizzly day is quite refreshing!

We had a lie-in this morning, Suzie woke us up at 6.30 so we put the dogs on the bed with us and they eventually went back to sleep. We got up at 9.40 - positively late for us, even for a weekend! It was nice, but I do feel a bit groggy now because of waking up and going back to sleep a couple of times. Oh well! It's not as though we're doing much today. I think it might be a movie day - there seem to be a few decent-ish movies on TV, so that'll keep me occupied for a little while!

I need to go to trusty old Target at some point, poor Gracie has allergies at the moment and she's scratching lots. She's on Benadryl 3 times a day (luckily we got the Target own version which is exactly the same, only $4 for 100 so that's great!). Anyway, we're also having to put shirts on her to stop her from scratching herself too badly - her skin was getting raw where she was scratching, so it does help to put a shirt on her. I think I'm gonna buy a pack of baby shirts from Target, she's gonna need a few because all the scratching inevitably results in holes. There's no point spending $15 on a dog shirt, when I can probably get 4 or 5 baby shirts for around that price. Well, I haven't looked into the prices, but I'm sure they're a lot cheaper than dog clothes anyway! She probably needs either a 12 or 18 month size, I'm thinking the 18 month will be better because it'll fit looser. Pugs are hard to buy clothes for because they're broad shouldered and dog clothes that are meant for their weight range and length are usually too small around the shoulders. Ordinarily it wouldn't be an issue because we don't dress them very often, but Gracie seems to feel the cold a lot more than Suzie and with her scratching because of her allergies, it's the only thing we can do to help (apart from the Benadryl of course). Gracie actually seems to love wearing clothes too, she gets all wiggly and happy when we get them out for her. Suzie? Not so much. Apart from the gorgeous pink polka dot dress she wore to our wedding, she loved that one!

:-)

Gosh, the past few days I've spoken to lots of my friends... Wednesday I talked to Taj, who arrives here on April 22nd, and I also talked to my Mom and Dad for a while to tell them about the house and my unexpected tax rebate. My Aunt Dorothy also called, so I spoke to her for a bit too. Thursday I talked to Tamzin, Debbie and Rochelle. It seems to happen like that - I don't get to speak to anyone for ages and then in the space of a couple of days I speak to loads of people. I kinda would prefer it to be more spaced out but hey, what can you do? I guess it just happens to be when people are free - I'm free most of the time, but they're all busy!

Oh - good news, the government shutdown has been averted. Hopefully there will be no disruption while Taj, my Mom and my stepdad are here! :-)

Weekend!

We took the girls for a nice walk this morning, it's another beautiful day in Phoenix! (as if that's really anything surprising!)

After that we brought the girls home and went to buy my stepdad a birthday card. It's his birthday next Sunday and to be honest, although I knew it, I hadn't really thought past February 10th (my big interview day). Just as well I looked at the calendar this morning! We mailed it right after buying it, so hopefully he'll have it in time. If it's late, then so be it, but it should probably arrive on Friday or Saturday.

I got an email from my friend T, and we ended up chatting on Skype (at long last!). She's planning to come over for a vacation in a couple of months! Yay! She said she's booked the time off work already and is hopefully coming on April 22nd and staying until May 1st. That'll be a great time to come here, the weather will be perfect but not ridiculously hot. My Mom and stepdad arrive on May 3rd, so it's quite close but it'll work. T will stay with us I think, which is fine - we have the air bed and it'll be nice to spend some proper time with her. I really don't think she could be anywhere near as annoying as my Dad when he was here! She won't leave a mess everywhere, that's for sure. I'm really looking forward to it! Hopefully she'll book her flights soon. :-)

Hubby got a call from work about an hour ago, but hopefully we're still going to be able to go to his parents' place for dinner. I'm looking forward to seeing them, now that I've been approved for my green card - my mother-in-law was so excited for me when I spoke to her on the phone, it was so sweet. She even caught me off-guard by saying "I love you" when we said goodbye. I wasn't expecting that! It's so nice to have such lovely in-laws, I really appreciate them. Hopefully Gracie will be calmer there today and not bark so much at everyone!

My patience is wearing thin with some people!!!

Remember when my friend T stood me up yet again for our Skype chat on Friday? Well, I left it a couple of days and didn't hear anything - there was no apology in my inbox, no message on Facebook, nothing. So, I decided to email her yesterday. I kept it simple - I basically said this:

"Hey, what happened to you on Friday? I waited on Skype for half an hour but didn't see you!

Hope you're ok." [read: Huh, you messed me around again. What's your excuse this time?]

I got a reply later in the day, which basically said this:

"I'm so sorry, I fell asleep after dinner. I'm rubbish aren't I? :-( [Yes, very. Consistently rubbish in fact, to the point where I can't be bothered with you right now despite our 23 year friendship]

I've been to London this weekend... [I didn't even really read the rest of that - I don't care, you could have at least apologized before I asked you what happened!]

I'll get on Skype tomorrow night after work, I'll even set a reminder on my phone!" [Wait, you'll even try to remember?! Oh no, I couldn't ask that much of you, really! Don't be silly!]

I wasn't sure how to reply to that, because I was still kinda mad about the whole thing seeing as she consistently lets me down. So after thinking about it a while, today I replied to that email. I didn't address any of the "apology" stuff - I wasn't about to tell her it's fine, because frankly it really isn't fine at all. Once would be alright - repeated occasions of her flaking on me are not fine! I just said that this week is a bit crazy, I have my AOS interview and we just got another pug. I said, "Maybe we can talk sometime next week" - although I doubt it very much, because even if I make plans with her, I think we're all aware that the chances of those plans coming together are approximately 10% right now.

Our mutual friend, R, says I'm too nice to her and I should tell her how rude she's being. She said: "The way T is, is rubbish and down right rude. Who does she think she is? I think the next time you speak you need to make it clear that you're angry about it or she'll keep doing it. She's taking you for granted."

To be honest, I couldn't agree more. I don't really want to have a confrontation about it, but I don't want it to keep happening. Now it's got to the point where I don't even want to make plans with her because it's pointless and all it does is annoy me more when she doesn't show. Maybe R is right when she says I'm too nice to T - nothing will change if I don't say anything, will it? She just expects me to be available whenever she dictates, and then she doesn't show up herself. At least if she would apologize within a reasonable amount of time, it wouldn't be as bad. I shouldn't have to go fishing for answers. Two days was plenty of time for her to send me a quick message explaining. A couple of months back, she did the same thing and I refrained from getting in touch with her - I wanted to see how long it would take her to apologize. Answer: 5 days! This, from the person who's "always connected" because she has an iPhone. The fact that it would be so easy for her to just get in touch makes it all the worse, doesn't it?

On this note, how about my Dad? Well, he still hasn't called me. He was meant to 2 friggin' weeks ago. He emailed me on Saturday to tell me he's getting a rescue dog. I emailed back, saying that's funny because we'd just got our rescue pug. He knew nothing of the possibility of us adopting another pug, because he hadn't kept his word and called me. I also put this in the email:

"I thought you were going to call me last week? Give me a call when you get a chance."

He replied again, but no mention of why he hasn't called or even if he will call. So, I'm still not calling him. He can afford to give me a call every other week at least, it's not like I'm expecting to speak to him daily for goodness' sake. Since I moved to the US 5 months ago, I've grown really tired of many of my so-called relationships with people back in the UK being so one-sided, with most people making little to no effort to keep in touch with me. The worst offenders? My Dad, T and my cousin. Funny how I still haven't heard anything from him. Funny also how he was on Skype a little while ago while I was on, and I typed a couple of messages to him with no response yet again. Yet he has the audacity to send me a Skype message when I'm offline, when he knows I'm offline, saying he hasn't seen me on there for ages! I guess you haven't checked your inbox for at least 3 months, then - if you did, you'd see about 4 emails from me, one from the other day saying that I've been emailing you and heard nothing back since November.

Maybe it's time to cut some people out of my life, if all they do is cause me hurt. I don't want to do that, but how much more should I really take? I mean, I've tried and tried, and what's the point? It really does upset me sometimes how people who are supposedly meant to care about me just clearly don't give a fuck. If they do, they have a very strange way of showing it. How long does it really take to reply to an email? How difficult is it to pick up the damn phone and dial my number? Why make plans with me and repeatedly allow them to fall through, leaving me sitting here like a fucking idiot? I don't understand these people at all.

I was thinking about the whole thing with my cousin... how I've always gone out of my way to see him and his family, how I spent a pretty penny on his and his wife's wedding gifts, how I bought loads of nice gifts for their baby when he was born in March last year, how I took them out for a pre-baby meal. When hubby and I got married in October, did I get so much as a card from them? Nope. What made it even worse is that they were actually in Florida at the time, and they could have bought and sent a card for less than $3. Really, it was too much effort? I can tell you now, if it was my cousin who had emigrated I would have sent a nice card at least. Maybe that means I'm a mug, then? When it's their baby boy's first birthday next month, I will probably go to the trouble of buying him a nice card and mailing it. Maybe what I should do, if I haven't heard from my cousin by then (which seems pretty likely at this rate) is write him a letter and put it in with the card. I could write that it would've been nice if he could've bothered to at least attempt to keep in touch with me, given that nowadays it's not exactly hard. I know he's on his computer a lot, because he's often on Skype and it tells you if the person is on their cell phone (which it doesn't say for him). Not one reply to any of my messages on there, and no replies to emails for 3 months? Shoddy.

I only wish it didn't bother me so much. Perhaps I ought to just move on, I have a new life here with my wonderful, gorgeous husband, our two lovely pug girls and not to forget our fishy! I didn't want to lose touch with people back in the UK, and I tried my best to make sure that didn't happen, but there's only so much one person can do. How many emails should you send with no response whatsoever, before you give up? I think I've reached my limit with my cousin now. As for T, well, I don't know. I don't hate her or anything, but I hate the way she's been treating me. I just don't get it - it's like she has no regard for me whatsoever. I know I'm not working, but that doesn't mean that everyone can just mess me around. My time is still important, and I do have things to do. Now we have Gracie, I have more responsibilities with the pugs - feeding, potty breaks, walking, grooming. Gracie is difficult with food at the moment, she has to really be enticed to eat. I have to feed Suzie, then put her in the office with hubby while I feed Gracie in the hallway with no doors open so she's pretty much stuck there with me (otherwise she just goes off). She's getting better but it's been a little stressful. I know she's still adjusting to us and she's probably still missing her original owner(s) so she's probably sad. I can completely understand that, of course. I expected it, but I still need for her to eat so she can stay strong. It's less than 72 hours since she came to live with us so I'm sure in a little while she'll be more settled, but I just want her to be happy. She sometimes looks so scared and confused and my heart breaks for her. I know she must be so sad that her original owner effectively abandoned her - I know they didn't actually abandon her, but I'm sure that's how Gracie feels because she doesn't understand. I wonder if her original owner is missing her too. Apparently their reason for surrendering her was that they couldn't afford to keep their dogs - if that's true then I'm sure they're really sad about it. I know I would be. All Gracie really knows is that she spent virtually her whole life with that person, and all of a sudden they drove her to a stranger's house and left her there. Her foster mom told me that she cried actual tears and stared at the door that whole night, she was so upset. How heartbreaking is that? And some people think animals don't have feelings.

You know, the way a lot of my friends and family have treated me since September makes me love my pugs all the more. They're always here for me and they always will be - unlike some people I've mentioned. Even Gracie, who as I said has been with us less than 72 hours, is already way more loyal than they are!

An Update :-)

Right now I'm just waiting to hear back from APARN regarding when they can do the home check. Hopefully they'll be able to come sometime today, that would be great! I don't know what the process will be for actually collecting Jessyka - we've met her already so I don't think we'd have to go visit her at her foster home, but I'm guessing we'll probably go and get her from her foster home when the time comes. :-)

Hubby went and got us some lunch, and the gourmet hot dog place he went to had some leaflets from Petco about how you can get a booklet of coupons if you adopt an animal. All you have to do is take the adoption paperwork with you and they give you the booklet - savings of $225 or more, cool huh? We will need to get Jessyka a collar and harness, a crate, a food bowl and possibly a bed. I say possibly a bed, because we have pug-pug's old bed which she can still fit into, and her 'new' bed too. Plus, now she sleeps on our bed anyway so Jessyka most likely will too. I kinda want to get Jessyka's food bowl from our veterinary office, because we got pug-pug's from them - they sell handmade ceramic bowls which are really cute and they're only $3 each, which is a bargain! Some local lady makes them. I'd rather do that than buy a bowl at Petco, really. I'm sure we'll make good use of the coupons for everything else, though!

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OK, now my friend T is really starting to drive me mad. She suggested that we talk on Skype today, she set the time as 1.00 p.m. in fact, and you guessed it - she's a no-show! Again! Bloody hell. It's now after 1.25. I'm giving her until 1.30 p.m. and then I'm logging off. What a time waster! Then I'll probably get an email in 5 days saying she's so sorry, she's such a terrible friend, blah blah blah. Yeah - I've heard it all before. Just stop wasting my time and don't make arrangements with me if you clearly have no intention to stick to them! How many times is she really expecting me to put up with her crappy behavior?

Still no news... and how can people be so lousy?!

OK, so hubby emailed the property management company yesterday and asked if there's any news from our landlord. The guy who came to see the house apparently isn't the one who will be asking the landlord - he said this other woman "will be asking her". Um, so let me get this straight - we asked you on Monday if we could have another dog, you came to see the house on Tuesday, and still nobody has even asked the landlord? Now it's Thursday, and we still know nothing. How are we going to get an answer if nobody even asks the landlord?! So hubby emailed this woman, and asked her if there's any news. He reiterated that the rescue agency are holding a dog for us, so time is of the essence. Not that it will probably make any difference whatsoever...

[OK, maybe I was a little bit hasty there... hubby just saw an email from that lady saying she's left the landlord a voicemail and sent her an email, so maybe we will hear something soon... watch this space!]

On the plus side, I emailed the lady at APARN again yesterday and explained that the inspection went well as expected, but we are still waiting for news. I got an email back saying not to worry, that they're all in agreement that we would provide a wonderful home for Jessyka and that they know the wait is harder for us than it is for them. She also said that Jessyka may be added to their website, but she won't be adopted to anybody else. So basically she's going to be ours unless we're not allowed to have her. That made me feel a bit better :-)

On the communication front, I was on Skype yesterday and my cousin logged on, and a message from him from January 31st came up saying something along the lines of "haven't seen you on here in a while" - well, that's absolute rubbish! He's been online at the same time as me multiple times, and I've typed messages to him multiple times, with no response whatsoever. Not to mention all the emails I've sent him which he's completely ignored - the last email I got from him was November 19th, I just checked my sent messages and I emailed him on December 9th and December 27th and got no replies. So now I've emailed him again, saying that I got his Skype message but that it's not a good way to get in touch if you send a message to someone who's offline, because it only appears when the person who sent it is online themselves - so it's hit and miss. I also said that I tried talking to him on there yesterday and got no response, and that I've emailed him a few times over the last couple of months asking when I could call him and haven't ever got a reply. I didn't word it nastily, but I think I made it clear that I was a bit annoyed. I also mentioned my Dad, and how he never bothers to call and I'm sick of it being me who makes all the effort - so yes, he can apply that to himself too. The message on Skype made out he hasn't heard from me in ages, which is a load of bollocks. I just don't get it. I wrote that I've been here exactly 5 months now (I arrived on September 3rd, now it's February 3rd) and I felt like writing "and it feels as though most people back home have forgotten about me completely" but I didn't. Maybe I should have!

Also, my friend who I'll refer to as T, is annoying me no end with her fickle arrangements to catch up with me. We were emailing back and forth last week, and she said she could do a Skype chat on Saturday or Sunday, so I said Sunday (evening in the UK, lunchtime here) would work for me, so let me know if it works for you. Nothing. So, Saturday I emailed her and asked if that was alright - she mailed me back and said it was fine, and she thought she'd let me know but hadn't. OK, fair enough. So Sunday I speak to my Mom on the phone for like 40 minutes, and the time for my chat with T comes around (12.30) so I tell my Mom I have to go speak to her. I open up my laptop and get an email from T, saying that she was sorry but she'd been invited to her brother's house for dinner so she would try and get home by 2pm our time. I replied something like this: "Don't worry about it! We have things to do though so I'll have to cancel, maybe we can talk during the week" - my reasons being that she's one who often cancels or just doesn't show, and I wasn't going to waste my whole afternoon hanging around to speak to her if and when she might get online. I could kind of imagine what the next excuse would be - "I got back late, I'm tired now, we'll have to talk some other time" - and no, I'm not being paranoid, she does that kind of thing all the time. I'd say for every 3 catch-ups that we arrange, we maybe actually do 1. I spoke to my other good friend, R, yesterday (all 3 of us have been friends since like the age of 4) and she said the whole thing is ridiculous - T is so unreliable! I can't disagree. She also said that T shouldn't be expecting me to chat to her on a weekend, because that's my time with my hubby. I agree to a point, but 12.30 would have worked OK for us. However, I wasn't about to wait around another couple of hours for her. I think she was a bit taken aback when I replied and said we'd have to talk another time, but I'm fed up of being messed around (not just by her, but lots of people). She then suggested she could maybe do Wednesday night (yesterday) but mentioned that she might be going to the movies but it's not confirmed yet - well, I'm not gonna make plans with you then, because you will most likely end up cancelling yet again! Also, R had already said she wanted to Skype with me then, and she's reliable so there was no way I was gonna cancel on her for someone who's totally unreliable!

Now don't get me wrong, I get it - an invitation to go out somewhere is probably more appealing than talking to a friend over Skype. But the thing is, those plans were already made and confirmed. It's like, "Oh, I got a better offer, forget you!" which I think is pretty rude really. You wouldn't do that if you were physically going to meet up, so there's not much difference really. She could have told her brother she already had plans. He knows I'm in the US, it's not like we talk all the time and it's not like we can actually meet up these days. I'm sure he's not that unreasonable! I'm glad I told her it would have to be another time, because I would've been all the more annoyed if I'd given in and hung around waiting for her. I bet she never would've showed up. The thing is, she's probably taken that email as being "off" - well, it wasn't, but I'm not the one who constantly cancels (or just doesn't show up). There comes a point where you have to stand your ground, and people need to stop assuming you'll just bend to their every whim. It's just not on, in my opinion. If someone repeatedly messes you around, how long are you really supposed to put up with it? My Dad is awful for keeping in touch too. I last spoke to him over 2 weeks ago and he said he would call me "in a week" - i.e. middle of last week. Now it's a whole week later and I'm still yet to hear anything at all. He probably assumes I'll call him, but guess what? It's not happening. I'm obviously not important enough in his life for him to bother picking up the damn phone and dialling our number. Yet, if he does ever call, he'll probably be like "I miss you loads" - well, the old saying actions speak louder than words is very true, isn't it? When hubby and I were in a (very) long distance relationship for 20 months, only seeing each other every 3-4 months, we both really missed each other. Guess what? We would talk on Skype every day, we would text and call all the time. We didn't leave it weeks with no contact - that's pathetic. It's like when my Dad says he "wishes he could've come to our wedding" - that pisses me off so much! Really? Because last I checked, you could have come to our wedding! You didn't bother to book the time off work, and then a college orchestra rehearsal (not even concert, for fuck's sake) was more important to you than your own daughter's wedding. What a friggin' joke! "I hope you don't resent me for it" - well get this: yes, I bloody well do! And I resent you for never bothering to call me when you say you will. Not even close to the time you say you will, either. It's not like it's a day after he was meant to, or even a couple of days after. We're talking over a week already - and it'll probably be another week before he calls, if he even calls then. Let's just say I'm not exactly holding my breath. Oh and when I've had my AOS interview next Thursday, I won't be calling him to tell him how it went. I'm sticking to my guns, again, and I will not call him. I want to see how long it'll be this time before he notices he hasn't spoken to me for ages. Every time he's supposed to call I do this, and it clearly doesn't make any difference, but other than have a go at him I don't know what else to do. And I don't want him to call me because he thinks I'll get mad at him if he doesn't - I want him to call because he actually cares about me.

I'm starting to think the only person he truly cares about is himself.

A Few Things!

Our trip to the orthopedic doctor yesterday went pretty well. Hubby got some soft tissue x-rays to see if the splinter was visible (it wasn't) and the doctor wants to see him again next week for a follow-up. In the meantime we're soaking his elbow in warm water and epsom salts 6 times a day for 15 minutes each time... That's supposed to help draw the splinter out. That option is a lot more appealing than going down the surgery route, anyway. We have an appointment for next Wednesday afternoon so hopefully by then the damn thing might have come out, or it might at least have moved to a point where it's no longer causing any pain. If that's the case I think they'll probably leave it alone.

In 2 days my Dad is arriving, so I need to get the house tidy before then! I could do it today but I know that it would still need doing on Thursday anyway, so I might as well do it then. His flight gets in at 6.40 if it's on time, but I know from my experiences of flying direct into Phoenix that the immigration process usually takes around an hour. Every time I came through there were only something like 3 or 4 officers to process everyone, and there were a lot of passengers! At least that gives me the whole day to clean the house. I mean, it's really not that bad anyway but it means I won't have to rush.

We took the pug-pug to the dog park yesterday and she had a great time! She played with so many dogs, and even stood up for herself when a couple of bigger dogs were playing with her (playing a bit rough for her!). Then after a while there were 7 pugs all playing together, it was so sweet! Some that we'd met before, others we hadn't. They were all such lovely dogs, so friendly and happy. One of them who we'd met before was an adorable little 11 year old pug-girl, her little tongue hangs out and she's such a sweetie. I just had to give her lots of cuddles - she loves it! Her little tail was wagging the whole time and she kept snuggling into my neck. I wanted to take her home!!

Unfortunately though our little girl now has hives though so she must've had a mild allergic reaction to something at the dog park - not sure what, but I guess it could've been something on the grass or on another dog. You can see where the bumps are, they're on her sides and her fur is kind of sticking up around them. She was itching a bit last night, poor little thing. I'm going to give her a bath today, her doggy shampoo is good for calming skin conditions so hopefully it'll help. She doesn't seem bothered by the bumps anymore, she's fine in herself. It just looks weird and it's probably a little uncomfortable for her at times. The bath should soothe her skin a bit, anyway.

Early this morning I spoke to my two best friends on Skype, one of them was back in our hometown for the festive period so they were both together in my other friend's house. It was nice to see them both at the same time and have a good chat!

Busy busy!

Wow, today has been non-stop busy!! Pug-pug got me out of bed at 5.45am 'cos she needed to go potty, I got out of bed properly at 7am and made coffee and breakfast, changed the water in the fish tank, wrapped my brother-in-law's Christmas presents, wrote his birthday card, made an apple crumble, did the dishes (twice), put the laundry away, dried the towels and put them away, cleaned pug-pug's water fountain, dusted, vacuumed, mopped the floors and cleaned the bathroom, got rid of the pug-pug's "messes" from the yard and took the trash out - all before 12.30! I had some lunch, then chatted with one of my good friends on iChat (Skype wasn't working!) and prepped the veggies for dinner. The in-laws are coming to our house tonight for dinner so I wanted everything to look nice. I think I put pressure on myself to have the house looking great, because I don't want them to think badly of me! (seeing as I'm a housewife and all).

Damn, I'm tired now!

Some random stuff

I got an email from my Dad last night, telling me about the snow in the UK and how Heathrow airport is closed (tell me something I don't know!). I wish he would just pick up the phone and call me, rather than send me an email. He was meant to call a week ago. Great, huh?

My friend never showed on Skype last night, but it's OK because I figured something probably came up. This morning there was an email in my inbox saying that their internet wouldn't work yesterday, for reasons unknown (possibly the bad weather - not sure!). Anyway, it's cool. Hopefully we'll talk tomorrow :-)

I never got around to wrapping presents yesterday - oops! I'll have to do it today instead. There's no way I'm gonna be able to wrap the cacti for my brother-in-law - unless I get some boxes for them and wrap them last-minute, I guess that could work. I'm almost out of money though! I still want to get a couple of little edible things for hubby, he sure does love his food! I'm hoping his T-shirt will arrive today, I know from the tracking info that it's somewhere in Phoenix so hopefully it'll come either today or tomorrow. I guess he's really buying his own presents, because I'm using my "allowance" to pay for all this stuff. It's kinda like being a teenager again! Except that I appreciate it more now, I think. I actually feel bad sometimes because he pays for everything as it is and still insists on putting money in my account every 2 weeks. I know he does it because he wants to, and I never asked for it, but I do sometimes feel a bit guilty. I haven't spent much of that money on myself at all, it's usually things for the pug-pug or recently, presents for other people! It's cool, I'm really grateful for the money and it does give me some freedom which I otherwise wouldn't have. It doesn't sound like much but the ability to go to a store on my own and be able to pay for stuff is something I'm grateful for. I'd never have thought twice about that while I was in the UK, I'd never been out of a job and I always had my own money. It's nice to have it now, because it's helping me to feel as though I'm more independent than I actually am (if that makes any sense!). I've just checked out my case status with USCIS, and it hasn't changed (it's in "initial review") but they've only had my adjustment of status paperwork for a month so that's not surprising. Hopefully I'll get my greencard at some point soon, then I can get a job if I want to. I'm still not decided on what I want to do, but I know I can't just go and get a job in MRI (I'm a radiographer and I worked in MRI for 3 years and did a post-graduate course in it, but working in this country is not so straightforward!).

We've been thinking about getting some hermit crabs as pets! Completely random, I know! I just think they're really cute, and hubby used to have some when he was a kid so he'd like some too. The crabs themselves aren't expensive, I've seen them for about $7 each, but the habitat and all the bits and pieces add up. Also, we're not sure where we'd put it! At a minimum they need a 10 gallon tank, preferably bigger, so I have no idea where we'd put that. We'd need a stand for it too. I guess we'll have to wait and see if we can find somewhere for it to go, before I get too carried away! ;)

It's almost Christmas! How did that happen?!

Today we took pug-pug to the vet for her vaccinations - she had 3 in total, one for rabies, one for kennel cough and another that's a combined vaccine for parvovirus, parainfluenza, canine distemper and possibly something else too! We also had her tested for heartworm - negative, as expected. :) We've started her on a monthly heartworm preventative too. While we were there we saw loads of hand made doggy food bowls, they were so cute! We got her a gorgeous light blue one, it was only $3. We'll take her old one over to the in-laws' house so that when we go round there we don't need to remember her bowl!

At some point today I need to do some housework and wrap some Christmas presents! I've ordered prints of 3 of our wedding photos, they're photos of my hubby and his brother, who was best man. When hubby finishes work today we're going to go and look for some nice frames, because we're giving them to my brother-in-law for Christmas. We also got him a couple of cactus arrangements, there are 3 small cacti in each pot. Not conventional Christmas presents I guess, but we're pretty sure he'll like them. $5 to print the photos (7x5") and about $13 for the cacti, plus whatever we spend on frames for the photos. We're heading over to Hobby Lobby for the frames, they're usually on sale there and they have a big selection. Plus I always find interesting things in there!

I'm still waiting for one thing I ordered online for hubby. Hopefully it'll come in the next couple of days so I can get it wrapped in plenty of time! I also ordered Christmas cards for hubby from Moonpig.com, they had a buy one get one free offer on so I got him one from pug-pug and one from me. The one from me has a couple of our photos on it! I love that site, it's awesome. The one from pug-pug has a pug on the front and I personalized the text - it says "Hi Daddy!" on the front, it's so cute! Including postage it only cost $4.60 for both cards (with one being free) which is really great value! I've been trying to budget my money and make it go further, so every little helps! I'm sure he'll be really happy with them, and he won't be expecting them so they'll be a nice surprise! :)

As far as his presents go, he's done pretty well! As I said, I've been trying to budget as much as I can so I've been shopping around for the best deal when it comes to buying pretty much anything. This is the first time since I was 16 that I've not had a job, so I do need to be careful with money. Anyway, he wanted either an 8GB or 16GB flash drive for his present, so I looked online at a few places and found a really good 16GB one for $25 with free shipping! I was in Walmart yesterday and they had 16GB drives for $40, so I think I lucked out with my online find! :) I also got him a cool funny T-shirt from Engrish.com, which was in the sale for $11.65 plus shipping ($16.50 total - the original price without shipping was $18.95 so I did good there too). I got him a really cool present "from pug-pug" too - a set of 6 coasters each with different photos of pug-pug on! I thought that was pretty neat - he definitely won't be expecting those! Plus, we actually do need some coasters, hehe. I used walgreens.com for those, it couldn't have been easier! I might buy him some candy or beef jerky or something like that, too. That would be an unexpected gift - but most definitely appreciated!

I bought the vast majority of pug-pugs Christmas presents from PetSmart in their 50% off sale so I saved quite a bit there too. That's the only reason she's ended up with so many presents - I think she has 8! Hers are the only ones that are all wrapped up, too. And she's the only one with an actual Christmas stocking! Maybe we are a little crazy after all... ;)

Right now I'm waiting for one of my friends on Skype - I'm not sure if she's gonna show... My mom called yesterday and I told her how let down I feel by so many people who just don't make the effort, and she was surprised when I mentioned my cousin and how he hasn't bothered getting in touch. I also told her that I'm a bit pissed about how virtually nobody could be bothered to send us a card when we got married, and how we've received very few Christmas cards. She agreed that people are crap! Oh well, it's out of my hands now since I decided not to pursue contact with those people who aren't bothering with me.

I can't believe it's almost Christmas, it doesn't feel like all that long since I got to the US back in early September! I'm just so glad to be here with my gorgeous hubby and our cute little pug-pug. My Dad should be arriving in 10 days, if his flight isn't cancelled because of the snow and ice in the UK. He still hasn't called, by the way. We're back in the familiar situation of us not speaking for however long because he doesn't call when he's meant to (i.e. at all) and I refuse to call him because I'm fed up of being the only one doing the communicating (as usual). He'll call eventually...

A successful shopping trip!

This morning we had croissants for breakfast - mmmmmm :)

Then we went to our local mall to finish our Christmas shopping. I really only needed to get a present for my Dad, but as it happened JCPenney had an awesome sale on! We finally got some new pillows - we bought a king size bed in September just after I got here, and never got king size pillows because the ones we wanted weren't on sale. Well, today, they were only $8.70 each! Originally they were meant to be like $30 each, so how cool is that?! I got my Dad a neck massager (he has a bad neck) which was originally $40 and was only $20 today. I also got a couple of cute Christmas decorations (little snowmen with our names on!) and a lovely cuddly teddy bear (I'm a sucker for cuddlies!). The snowmen were originally $8 each but ended up costing all of $2.31 a piece, and the bear was originally $20 but ended up being $4.34. At full price our total would've been $140, and it only came to $50! I'm so pleased with all my purchases, they were fantastic value! It's even more fantastic when I convert the price in dollars to British pounds - it comes to £32! In the UK that doesn't exactly go very far - there's no way I would've been able to buy all of that. Gotta love America for the awesome pre-Christmas sales!!! :)

Well, the weather in the UK right now is really bad. I've just looked on a news website and a lot of the airports are either closed or facing huge disruption. I checked on the British Airways website and the London Heathrow to Phoenix flight is cancelled today. That's the flight my Dad is getting on December 30th... all the weather reports say the bad weather is going to last at least a month, so he might have problems getting here if that's the case. Not much point worrying about it yet, I guess. The thing is, he's only coming for 9 nights - if his flight does end up being cancelled, it could end up being days until he can get another, and at what point does he end up not coming because it's not worth it? (remember when he could have come for the wedding, Wednesday to Sunday, and "it wasn't worth it"? I mean, it is a long way and all, it's like a 10 and a half hour flight). It's not like he can move his holiday by a week or anything, because he's back at work a few days after he gets home as it is.

All this reminds me of all the problems I had getting here when I was coming to visit my hubby (before we were married, of course!). Last Christmas I was booked to fly with BA and they were going to go on strike for 12 days when I was due to fly, so I ended up cancelling my flight with them and rebooking with US Airways. Then the weather was really bad and I was lucky to get here, the plane had to be jump-started because it was so cold and the visibility was virtually zero - I still don't know how we made it from Manchester to Philadelphia, actually! Then, when I was supposed to visit in April, 2 days before my flight that stupid volcano in Iceland erupted and all flights in and out of the UK were grounded! I could not believe that at all! I had to rebook for the following week, but luckily I was able to move my vacation time at work forward by a week so I didn't end up losing any time here with my beloved!

I really quite like flying, but I'm glad I'm not having to do it for a long while now. What with all the security checks, which seem to go a little over the top sometimes, I don't exactly miss it!

Oh, I finally got an email from my friend who didn't show up on Skype on Tuesday - it's very apologetic! I haven't replied yet, because I'm not quite sure what to say, but I will do soon. As I've said before, I do get that people are busy, but it is quite rude to not let someone know when you can't make it for something, even if it is "only" a chat on Skype. She said she kept meaning to let me know she couldn't make it but never got around to it. Hmmm. I mean, it's Saturday and the whole thing happened on Tuesday, so it has taken her a very long time to get in touch! I'm not going to hold it against her, but I might let her hang for a day or 2. She did keep me waiting ages, after all.

My Dad still hasn't called; he was supposed to call sometime mid-week. I can't say I'm really surprised, though. My Mom will call me tomorrow (she's way more reliable - she calls me one Sunday, I call her the next Sunday, and so on). I still haven't heard from my cousin, but I've pretty much given up any hope of him ever responding to my email! I could just call him, but I'm not going to out of principle. Also, as I said, I never know when he's working, so that's the reason I wanted him to let me know when would be a good time for me to call. All he had to do was reply to my email and say, "Call on Tuesday or Wednesday, but not Thursday or Friday" - something like that. Now would that really be so bloody difficult to do? It would take all of 30 seconds! Whatever. Also, his wife's parents have a house in Florida so they have a phone package which lets them call the US for free, so he could just pick up the phone and call me. The whole thing sucks.

Anyway, in an hour we're heading over to my brother-in-law's house for dinner. It'll be the first time I've been there since I looked at the place with my mother-in-law all the way back in January, before my brother-in-law even saw it himself (she was on a mission to find him a house to buy, lol). We should have a nice evening! :)

A lazy day

I wasn't exactly very productive today - I didn't feel very well so ended up spending most of the day on the couch with our pug-pug. She's such a little sweetie, she loves her cuddles and so do I so it's a good arrangement! :)

Hubby and I just made tacos for dinner, they turned out great! We tend to cook most nights, we don't eat out very often. Before I moved over here, I couldn't really cook at all. It's surprised me how much I enjoy it now, and how well things turn out! I guess you just need a bit of confidence. Sometimes we cook together, sometimes it's just one of us. We make things like Thai green curry, pasta, Mexican food, grilled meat, mashed potatoes (hubby told me hand on heart that my mashed potato is way better than his Mom's - I'd have to agree!) ... all sorts of things, really. The only downside is the amount of dishes we generate, but hey, I don't have a job so it's all good. ;)

I think we're just about all set for Christmas now. We bought a small turkey (7 pounds) for Christmas dinner, and we've pretty much bought all the presents we need to get. I could do with getting something else for my Dad but I have no idea what, he's really difficult to buy for. Our pug-girl has the most presents out of everyone, of course! I'm just waiting on one last hubby-present to arrive and then we're good. I did most of my Christmas shopping online, which so far has worked out great! This last thing I only ordered yesterday and it's already on its way, so it should be here by this time next week.

Hubby took me shopping on Monday for my presents, he got me a bunch of lovely stuff from Bath and Body Works. :) I got to choose what I wanted, which in a way is a little boring I guess (no surprises) but also it means I'm getting what I wanted. Also, I thought if he was left to his own devices he might end up getting me more jewelry. Which of course wouldn't have been a bad thing, but I really didn't want him to spend a lot of money. You know, the fact that he's the only one working at the moment and he's paying out every month for my health insurance etc. Really, the best gift is that we're together for good. I couldn't ask for anything more! :)

Tomorrow we're going to my brother-in-law's house for dinner. It's his birthday on Christmas eve and hubby wants to take him out for dinner to celebrate on the day. Hopefully some places will be open! We're going to invite him to our place for Christmas dinner, because my in-laws don't celebrate Christmas (they're Jehovah's Witnesses). Normally we would go to their house for dinner on a Saturday, but tomorrow they're away at some JW convention or something and next Saturday is Christmas. We went to their house last night and took pizza with us. We needed to collect their air-bed for when my Dad visits. Anyway, we invited them for dinner at our place next Thursday evening, but apparently my mother-in-law won't miss a JW meeting so she wanted to come on Saturday instead. I pointed out that it's Christmas and therefore we're having a Christmas dinner, so that wouldn't work. If they celebrated Christmas, of course we'd invite them, but I don't want to have them come for dinner so that we can pretend it's not Christmas! Screw that! Then she said they'd come on Friday, but we don't fancy cooking 2 big meals on 2 consecutive days, and also it's my brother-in-law's birthday that day so if they came round we'd all have to ignore his birthday as JW's don't celebrate birthdays either. So no! Then she suggested the following week, but that's when my Dad is arriving so that wouldn't be convenient either. Finally it was resolved, and they're coming next Wednesday night. That'll work out much better. We're cooking tilapia, mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli. Yum! :)

The whole thing with my in-laws got me thinking about what will happen when we have kids of our own... I mean, the only extended family they'll have here is their grandparents and uncle. All of my family live in the UK, apart from some distant relatives who live somewhere in the US but I don't even know where! Anyway, we don't want to deprive our kids of birthdays and Christmas, and hubby and I aren't religious in the slightest. It'd be a shame for the in-laws to miss out on those occasions, and for the kids to not see their grandparents at those times, but I can't really see any other solution. The thing that really sucks is that it seems as though my father-in-law doesn't really agree with the whole JW thing, and just goes along with it for my mother-in-law's sake. I get the feeling he'd love to celebrate Christmas etc. Ah well, it's their choice at the end of the day. I spoke to one of my good friends back in the UK a few days ago and she seemed to think that when we do have kids, they'll change their minds because they won't want to miss out. I'm not so sure, I think my mother-in-law is so brainwashed that she's in it for life. She was even funny about associating with one of my best friends, who came over for the wedding, because she used to be a JW and then saw the light and left a couple of years ago. Despite the fact that both her kids (my hubby and brother-in-law) left as soon as they could, they couldn't stand it! Apparently "officially" she's not meant to have anything to do with them, either. I can't believe how anyone can become so indoctrinated that they would even consider abandoning their family for the sake of a "religion" (well, cult, if you ask me, but that's just my opinion). I'm also a little concerned that she might try to brainwash our kids... :(

Anyway, I got a little off-topic there! I guess there's no point worrying about any of that stuff, I'm not even pregnant so it's not like we're going to be parents any time soon! I suppose we'll have to manage the situation accordingly when the time comes. Maybe my friend will turn out to be right, I can only hope so anyway!

Right now hubby is playing his video-games to unwind, and I'm sitting on the couch with pug-pug. Our Christmas cactus is all lit up, and I'm burning our banana nut bread candle which smells delicious! I just tuned in to watch The Haunted on Animal Planet, but the listings must have been screwed up because this ain't it! I think it's "I shouldn't be alive" or something. There's never anything good on TV on a Friday night! I guess it doesn't matter which country you live in, it's a case of too many channels, nothing to watch, hehe.

One last thing

I think it's important to recognize that some people can really hurt you, and the fact that you're hurting obviously means you do care about those people. If you didn't, then their actions wouldn't really affect you much. So by no means do I hate or dislike any of the people I've written about here: I just feel very disappointed and let down by them. I'm not about to cut any ties with people, but I will await contact from them and if they do get in touch, that's good, if they don't then I think I need to re-evaluate things.

People change, situations change - maybe people have moved on without me now that I'm living in the US, maybe they think I moved on without them since I'm the one who emigrated. I don't know, but what I do know is that I haven't given anybody the impression that I've forgotten about them or that I'm not interested in keeping in touch. I don't contact people obsessively but I've sent enough emails etc. to have made an effort. Plus, I sent all those Christmas cards. They may not be a big deal to some people, but the fact that I bothered to make the effort and I spent a significant amount of money mailing them overseas shows that I care. Every day recently when I go to the mail box I hope to see a card from someone; most days I'm disappointed. I think that all the cards we're going to get from the UK have probably come already, I doubt very much that other people will bother. We're talking both friends and family here, not acquaintances. It's probably not 100% wise to judge how people value you by whether or not they send you a Christmas card, but I think it does at least show that someone's thinking about you and that they can be bothered to make the effort.

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Now that I've had a good rant about everything that's been bothering me lately, the tune of this blog is going to change. Well, it'll change for the most part, anyway! I'm sure there will be some more of the same, if people continue to act as they have done, but on the whole I want this to be more of a cheery blog.

So for now, I'm going to focus on the good things in my life, such as my wonderful hubby and our lovely doggy, and also Christmas, which is only 9 days away! :)

Getting some more things off my chest!

I'm still feeling annoyed with the people I blogged about yesterday... I was tempted to contact the friend who stood me up on Skype but I resisted! I did however email our mutual friend who agreed that the whole thing is ridiculous, and told me that she is still waiting on a phone call from said friend who told her she'd call her weeks ago and never has done. We both agree that if someone really is too busy then they shouldn't make false promises! I would feel much less annoyed if she would've just said, "I'm too busy for a catch-up at the moment but I'll let you know when I've got the time" rather than she herself setting a time and a date and then cancelling, then rescheduling and simply not showing up.

The whole thing is really making me feel that I have no desire whatsoever to visit the UK any time soon. I mean, people would probably make plans to see me if I was there for a couple of weeks and then they'd probably cancel at the last minute, so I really can't be bothered. It doesn't make sense to me how people can be so lazy at keeping in touch when you're supposed to be good friends. And even family, too! Sometimes my own Dad is terrible at contacting me. If I email him it's often a few days before he replies, even though he has a bloody iPhone so it could not be any easier! He's been saying since before I left the UK that he was going to get himself a laptop with a webcam so that we could talk on Skype face-to-face. Well, he still hasn't, and I left the UK at the beginning of September! Yet when I do speak to him (mostly it's me who has to call him) he tells me he misses me loads. It was my birthday at the start of this month, and when I spoke to him 10 days or so beforehand he asked me if he could just bring my birthday card with him when he comes to visit at New Year! I said, "That's a month after my birthday so could you please send it in the mail?" He ended up sending one using Moonpig.com, which is fine, but I couldn't help but think it was because he couldn't be bothered to go to the post office! Either that or he left it way too late. I don't get it.

You know, the thing that hurts the most is that even though I gave everyone as much notice as possible for our wedding (which we couldn't plan too far in advance, because I didn't know when exactly I was going to get my visa, and once I got to the US we had to marry within 90 days under the terms of the fiancée visa) he still didn't book the time off work! I told everyone at the end of May, when we set the date for the wedding, which was 4 and a half months away. Ideally, yes, we would've given people notice of 6 months or more, but as I said, the circumstances were difficult and that was the best we could do. Bearing in mind that all along my Dad had said that he and my stepmom would definitely come to our wedding, they wouldn't miss it for the world, blah blah blah. Well get this - 2 months after I told him the date, I was out with a friend for dinner and I got a phone call from my Dad... he asked me to change my wedding date! Needless to say, I was gobsmacked! I honestly couldn't believe that anyone could have the audacity to ask me to change our wedding date, especially after 2 months of knowing the date! I mean, my friends who were coming to the wedding had already booked the time off work (which was no easy feat for one of my friends from work!) and here was my own father asking me to change the date of my wedding "by a couple of weeks" so that he could be there. Why had the date not been a problem when I told him it, 2 months earlier? If he had said at that point that he couldn't possibly make it, we might have been able to change it. Moreover, we might have been more inclined to change it. As it stood, the very reason he gave me for him wanting us to change the date was that he could only come to the US from the Wednesday to the Sunday, because he couldn't get out of work on the Tuesday. We married on a Friday. What do you think would've been the logical thing to have done? Perhaps, as soon as I told him the date, he should've booked time off work like any sensible person would have done! He was honestly surprised when I flat out refused to change the date; I told him, truthfully, that the majority of it was already paid for, and that other people had organized things so that they could be there. Yes, he's my Dad, but there was no way I was about to change everything because he couldn't be bothered to organize himself. That's what it comes down to - sorry, but if you really want to be at your own daughter's wedding, then you should make every reasonable attempt to be there! If that means flying over for a short time then do it!

The best thing about it is that a few times since the wedding, and even on the morning of the wedding, when I've spoken to him he's said that he wished he could've been there. On the morning of the wedding I replied, "I really don't know what to say to that" - I mean, he missed my wedding because of work. Work that surely he could've taken time out of if he had bothered to book vacation. And don't try to make me feel guilty for not changing my wedding date - the fact that you even asked me to in the first place is bad enough! I wish I'd said all of this at the time, but I was so pissed off that I didn't. When he visits in 2 weeks, though, and says stuff like that again, I might actually say how I feel. Anyway, it's his loss - he missed our wedding, and he has to live with that. There's no use in him moaning to me that he wishes he could've been there, because frankly, he could! By the time you reach your 50s you'd think that you might have learned some organization skills, wouldn't you? It doesn't make sense to me that knowing that your daughter is getting married on such-and-such a date, with plenty of time to book vacation time, you would leave it for 2 months and then realize you can't get the time off and then ask your daughter to change her wedding date for you. I even told him when he asked that the only reason we would've moved our wedding is if I didn't have my visa in time for it! And what if we had changed the date, only for other people to be unable to come? I wasn't prepared to do that, given that those people had at least bothered to get the time off work. Maybe I'm coming across as being too harsh, but the whole thing really does astound me! Nobody could believe it when I told them what had happened - they were all amazed that he would do that! Doesn't it all boil down to him thinking that he's more important than everyone else? I think it might. I mean, if I couldn't attend a loved one's wedding then I would tell them I was very sorry I couldn't go, and that I hoped they had a lovely day and I'd be thinking of them. I wouldn't dream of asking them to change the date!

I can count on one hand the number of times my Dad was on time when I used to meet up with him... in fact, I think I could do that even if I only had 2 fingers! The number of times I had to stand around like an idiot, waiting for ages for him to show up, getting more and more annoyed as time went on... it's just crazy. One time he was a whole hour late, when I'd worked a ridiculously long (19.5 hour) shift the night before, gone home for maybe 2 hours sleep and rushed out to meet him for lunch. Yeah, that went down well with me. Not! Now don't get me wrong, nobody's perfect, and nobody's on time 100% of the time. I get that. But I do think it's incredibly rude to be consistently late, as it shows a huge lack of respect of the other person's time. Worse still, when he would eventually show up, I'd be annoyed of course at having to hang around so long, and he'd make comments about how I'm always in a bad mood! Um, yeah, I'm in a bad mood because you're half an hour late, again, and I've been standing out in the cold, when if you would've told me you were going to be late I would've gone and got a coffee or done some shopping or something. Now if I was even 2 minutes late, which happened once or twice, he would be really pissy with me! Talk about hypocrisy... Unbelievable!

So yeah, I'm probably coming across as someone who's very bitter... I probably am in some ways, because for 27 years I've had to put up with this crap! He's still unreliable now, he doesn't call when he says he will, but at least I'm not hanging around waiting for him now.

We used to meet up usually once a week, and go for lunch or dinner depending on the time. It was supposed to be that one week I paid, the next he paid, and so on. So one week, when it was his turn to pay, we ate, then he said, "Can we go halves this week? I'm skint". Um, it would've been nice if you'd said that beforehand! And by the way, I'm not exactly rolling in money either! I begrudgingly obliged. Then what does he do? He goes to buy a new suit! No fucking kidding. A new suit. Couldn't afford to pay for lunch when it was clearly his turn, but he can afford a new suit which he probably doesn't need, and obviously cost a lot more than lunch. I was so angry that day, I couldn't believe it!

So yes, I guess I have some issues with my Dad, but I think most people would agree with me that they're totally justified!

On Friendship

It's a strange situation I find myself in right now: I have everything I wanted for so long, my husband and our gorgeous little doggy, but I really am beginning to think that you can't have everything. I knew when I left the UK that some of my relationships would inevitably change, I just didn't realize how much. A lot of the time, I feel as though most people have just forgotten about me. There are friends who have kept in touch with me since I left, but it seems that there are more of them who haven't bothered much.

It's only 3 and a half months since I moved here, and in some ways it's almost like I never existed! It's quite upsetting sometimes, because although I was the one who left, I have been in touch with everyone multiple times since I got to the US. I realize that I have a lot more time on my hands than my friends who are working full-time, and I fully appreciate that people have things going on in their lives. I'm not expecting people to respond to my emails immediately, I'm not unreasonable! But when you've sent 3 or 4 emails over a period of time, and got no response whatsoever, it starts to grate on you.

One of my "friends" who I met up with a few days before leaving the UK insisted that she would keep in touch, and said that I should re-join Facebook so it would be easier. After arriving in the US, I did get back on FB - I thought my friend was right, it would be easier. Well, since I arrived here, I've sent this friend at least 3 emails, including one with some of our wedding photos, and messaged her on FB - have I heard anything back? In a word, no. I saw her on Skype recently, and decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and talk to her on there. She told me that she'd seen our wedding photos on FB and they were really nice, and never once acknowledged any of my attempts at communication. Then the whole conversation turned into a proof-reading session of a job application she was doing... I couldn't help but think that she was just using me. Maybe I'm being harsh, I don't know. That's just the way it seemed.

One of my other friends, who I've been friends with since the age of 4 or 5, keeps in touch sometimes but is so unreliable it's crazy! She'll tell me she'll be on Skype so we can catch up and then she won't show. We were supposed to talk a couple of days ago and I got an email not long before saying that it would have to be the next day, so I said that would be OK and told her what time I would be online. I didn't get a reply so I assumed that was fine for her, but when the time came she was nowhere to be seen. I stayed on for over an hour and she never showed. I thought that maybe today I would get an email apology or something, but no. Nice, huh? It just makes me feel like crap when people do stuff like that.

Even my own cousin has been terrible at getting in touch! He didn't even send us a card when we got married, despite the fact that he was in the US at the time and it would have cost all of 88 cents to send one! I thought that was a bit crappy, really. He called a week after the wedding, but we haven't spoken since. I've sent him 2 emails asking him when a good time would be for me to call him, because he works strange shifts so I don't want to call when he might be sleeping or whatever. He replied to my first email, saying he was on holiday so it would have to be when he got home. He was only away for a week, so he's been home a while now. It's been a week since I sent the second one and still I've heard nothing back. I just don't get it. It's rude, isn't it, to just ignore someone?

Now I just feel like not contacting anyone, because to be honest I don't want to have to deal with this crap any longer. I think I've made more than a reasonable effort to stay in touch with everyone, nobody can turn around and say I didn't try.

I spent a small fortune sending lots of Christmas cards to friends and family in the UK. I'm pretty sure we won't get many back, based on how people have been since I left. Only 2 of my friends so far have sent us cards, and it's only 10 days until Christmas. I do realize that it's a little bit more effort to send mail internationally, of course, but if people are true friends then surely they could make the effort? I mailed all of mine at the end of November to make sure they got there in time, and the few people I've heard from received them within about a week.

The reason I'm writing this stuff here is that I don't really want to confront people or tell them how much they've let me down. I've decided it's probably better to keep a dignified silence on the matter. I could do what a lot of people do and post some passive aggressive status message on FB, but I really don't see the point. I'll just leave it, and not contact those people who can't be bothered with me. It'll be interesting to see when, if ever, they contact me for a change.

Maybe when you emigrate you find out who your true friends are.