My patience is wearing thin with some people!!!

Remember when my friend T stood me up yet again for our Skype chat on Friday? Well, I left it a couple of days and didn't hear anything - there was no apology in my inbox, no message on Facebook, nothing. So, I decided to email her yesterday. I kept it simple - I basically said this:

"Hey, what happened to you on Friday? I waited on Skype for half an hour but didn't see you!

Hope you're ok." [read: Huh, you messed me around again. What's your excuse this time?]

I got a reply later in the day, which basically said this:

"I'm so sorry, I fell asleep after dinner. I'm rubbish aren't I? :-( [Yes, very. Consistently rubbish in fact, to the point where I can't be bothered with you right now despite our 23 year friendship]

I've been to London this weekend... [I didn't even really read the rest of that - I don't care, you could have at least apologized before I asked you what happened!]

I'll get on Skype tomorrow night after work, I'll even set a reminder on my phone!" [Wait, you'll even try to remember?! Oh no, I couldn't ask that much of you, really! Don't be silly!]

I wasn't sure how to reply to that, because I was still kinda mad about the whole thing seeing as she consistently lets me down. So after thinking about it a while, today I replied to that email. I didn't address any of the "apology" stuff - I wasn't about to tell her it's fine, because frankly it really isn't fine at all. Once would be alright - repeated occasions of her flaking on me are not fine! I just said that this week is a bit crazy, I have my AOS interview and we just got another pug. I said, "Maybe we can talk sometime next week" - although I doubt it very much, because even if I make plans with her, I think we're all aware that the chances of those plans coming together are approximately 10% right now.

Our mutual friend, R, says I'm too nice to her and I should tell her how rude she's being. She said: "The way T is, is rubbish and down right rude. Who does she think she is? I think the next time you speak you need to make it clear that you're angry about it or she'll keep doing it. She's taking you for granted."

To be honest, I couldn't agree more. I don't really want to have a confrontation about it, but I don't want it to keep happening. Now it's got to the point where I don't even want to make plans with her because it's pointless and all it does is annoy me more when she doesn't show. Maybe R is right when she says I'm too nice to T - nothing will change if I don't say anything, will it? She just expects me to be available whenever she dictates, and then she doesn't show up herself. At least if she would apologize within a reasonable amount of time, it wouldn't be as bad. I shouldn't have to go fishing for answers. Two days was plenty of time for her to send me a quick message explaining. A couple of months back, she did the same thing and I refrained from getting in touch with her - I wanted to see how long it would take her to apologize. Answer: 5 days! This, from the person who's "always connected" because she has an iPhone. The fact that it would be so easy for her to just get in touch makes it all the worse, doesn't it?

On this note, how about my Dad? Well, he still hasn't called me. He was meant to 2 friggin' weeks ago. He emailed me on Saturday to tell me he's getting a rescue dog. I emailed back, saying that's funny because we'd just got our rescue pug. He knew nothing of the possibility of us adopting another pug, because he hadn't kept his word and called me. I also put this in the email:

"I thought you were going to call me last week? Give me a call when you get a chance."

He replied again, but no mention of why he hasn't called or even if he will call. So, I'm still not calling him. He can afford to give me a call every other week at least, it's not like I'm expecting to speak to him daily for goodness' sake. Since I moved to the US 5 months ago, I've grown really tired of many of my so-called relationships with people back in the UK being so one-sided, with most people making little to no effort to keep in touch with me. The worst offenders? My Dad, T and my cousin. Funny how I still haven't heard anything from him. Funny also how he was on Skype a little while ago while I was on, and I typed a couple of messages to him with no response yet again. Yet he has the audacity to send me a Skype message when I'm offline, when he knows I'm offline, saying he hasn't seen me on there for ages! I guess you haven't checked your inbox for at least 3 months, then - if you did, you'd see about 4 emails from me, one from the other day saying that I've been emailing you and heard nothing back since November.

Maybe it's time to cut some people out of my life, if all they do is cause me hurt. I don't want to do that, but how much more should I really take? I mean, I've tried and tried, and what's the point? It really does upset me sometimes how people who are supposedly meant to care about me just clearly don't give a fuck. If they do, they have a very strange way of showing it. How long does it really take to reply to an email? How difficult is it to pick up the damn phone and dial my number? Why make plans with me and repeatedly allow them to fall through, leaving me sitting here like a fucking idiot? I don't understand these people at all.

I was thinking about the whole thing with my cousin... how I've always gone out of my way to see him and his family, how I spent a pretty penny on his and his wife's wedding gifts, how I bought loads of nice gifts for their baby when he was born in March last year, how I took them out for a pre-baby meal. When hubby and I got married in October, did I get so much as a card from them? Nope. What made it even worse is that they were actually in Florida at the time, and they could have bought and sent a card for less than $3. Really, it was too much effort? I can tell you now, if it was my cousin who had emigrated I would have sent a nice card at least. Maybe that means I'm a mug, then? When it's their baby boy's first birthday next month, I will probably go to the trouble of buying him a nice card and mailing it. Maybe what I should do, if I haven't heard from my cousin by then (which seems pretty likely at this rate) is write him a letter and put it in with the card. I could write that it would've been nice if he could've bothered to at least attempt to keep in touch with me, given that nowadays it's not exactly hard. I know he's on his computer a lot, because he's often on Skype and it tells you if the person is on their cell phone (which it doesn't say for him). Not one reply to any of my messages on there, and no replies to emails for 3 months? Shoddy.

I only wish it didn't bother me so much. Perhaps I ought to just move on, I have a new life here with my wonderful, gorgeous husband, our two lovely pug girls and not to forget our fishy! I didn't want to lose touch with people back in the UK, and I tried my best to make sure that didn't happen, but there's only so much one person can do. How many emails should you send with no response whatsoever, before you give up? I think I've reached my limit with my cousin now. As for T, well, I don't know. I don't hate her or anything, but I hate the way she's been treating me. I just don't get it - it's like she has no regard for me whatsoever. I know I'm not working, but that doesn't mean that everyone can just mess me around. My time is still important, and I do have things to do. Now we have Gracie, I have more responsibilities with the pugs - feeding, potty breaks, walking, grooming. Gracie is difficult with food at the moment, she has to really be enticed to eat. I have to feed Suzie, then put her in the office with hubby while I feed Gracie in the hallway with no doors open so she's pretty much stuck there with me (otherwise she just goes off). She's getting better but it's been a little stressful. I know she's still adjusting to us and she's probably still missing her original owner(s) so she's probably sad. I can completely understand that, of course. I expected it, but I still need for her to eat so she can stay strong. It's less than 72 hours since she came to live with us so I'm sure in a little while she'll be more settled, but I just want her to be happy. She sometimes looks so scared and confused and my heart breaks for her. I know she must be so sad that her original owner effectively abandoned her - I know they didn't actually abandon her, but I'm sure that's how Gracie feels because she doesn't understand. I wonder if her original owner is missing her too. Apparently their reason for surrendering her was that they couldn't afford to keep their dogs - if that's true then I'm sure they're really sad about it. I know I would be. All Gracie really knows is that she spent virtually her whole life with that person, and all of a sudden they drove her to a stranger's house and left her there. Her foster mom told me that she cried actual tears and stared at the door that whole night, she was so upset. How heartbreaking is that? And some people think animals don't have feelings.

You know, the way a lot of my friends and family have treated me since September makes me love my pugs all the more. They're always here for me and they always will be - unlike some people I've mentioned. Even Gracie, who as I said has been with us less than 72 hours, is already way more loyal than they are!

On Friendship

It's a strange situation I find myself in right now: I have everything I wanted for so long, my husband and our gorgeous little doggy, but I really am beginning to think that you can't have everything. I knew when I left the UK that some of my relationships would inevitably change, I just didn't realize how much. A lot of the time, I feel as though most people have just forgotten about me. There are friends who have kept in touch with me since I left, but it seems that there are more of them who haven't bothered much.

It's only 3 and a half months since I moved here, and in some ways it's almost like I never existed! It's quite upsetting sometimes, because although I was the one who left, I have been in touch with everyone multiple times since I got to the US. I realize that I have a lot more time on my hands than my friends who are working full-time, and I fully appreciate that people have things going on in their lives. I'm not expecting people to respond to my emails immediately, I'm not unreasonable! But when you've sent 3 or 4 emails over a period of time, and got no response whatsoever, it starts to grate on you.

One of my "friends" who I met up with a few days before leaving the UK insisted that she would keep in touch, and said that I should re-join Facebook so it would be easier. After arriving in the US, I did get back on FB - I thought my friend was right, it would be easier. Well, since I arrived here, I've sent this friend at least 3 emails, including one with some of our wedding photos, and messaged her on FB - have I heard anything back? In a word, no. I saw her on Skype recently, and decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and talk to her on there. She told me that she'd seen our wedding photos on FB and they were really nice, and never once acknowledged any of my attempts at communication. Then the whole conversation turned into a proof-reading session of a job application she was doing... I couldn't help but think that she was just using me. Maybe I'm being harsh, I don't know. That's just the way it seemed.

One of my other friends, who I've been friends with since the age of 4 or 5, keeps in touch sometimes but is so unreliable it's crazy! She'll tell me she'll be on Skype so we can catch up and then she won't show. We were supposed to talk a couple of days ago and I got an email not long before saying that it would have to be the next day, so I said that would be OK and told her what time I would be online. I didn't get a reply so I assumed that was fine for her, but when the time came she was nowhere to be seen. I stayed on for over an hour and she never showed. I thought that maybe today I would get an email apology or something, but no. Nice, huh? It just makes me feel like crap when people do stuff like that.

Even my own cousin has been terrible at getting in touch! He didn't even send us a card when we got married, despite the fact that he was in the US at the time and it would have cost all of 88 cents to send one! I thought that was a bit crappy, really. He called a week after the wedding, but we haven't spoken since. I've sent him 2 emails asking him when a good time would be for me to call him, because he works strange shifts so I don't want to call when he might be sleeping or whatever. He replied to my first email, saying he was on holiday so it would have to be when he got home. He was only away for a week, so he's been home a while now. It's been a week since I sent the second one and still I've heard nothing back. I just don't get it. It's rude, isn't it, to just ignore someone?

Now I just feel like not contacting anyone, because to be honest I don't want to have to deal with this crap any longer. I think I've made more than a reasonable effort to stay in touch with everyone, nobody can turn around and say I didn't try.

I spent a small fortune sending lots of Christmas cards to friends and family in the UK. I'm pretty sure we won't get many back, based on how people have been since I left. Only 2 of my friends so far have sent us cards, and it's only 10 days until Christmas. I do realize that it's a little bit more effort to send mail internationally, of course, but if people are true friends then surely they could make the effort? I mailed all of mine at the end of November to make sure they got there in time, and the few people I've heard from received them within about a week.

The reason I'm writing this stuff here is that I don't really want to confront people or tell them how much they've let me down. I've decided it's probably better to keep a dignified silence on the matter. I could do what a lot of people do and post some passive aggressive status message on FB, but I really don't see the point. I'll just leave it, and not contact those people who can't be bothered with me. It'll be interesting to see when, if ever, they contact me for a change.

Maybe when you emigrate you find out who your true friends are.